Xeta Prime's Borderline Diet

Shameless Plug

2009-10-03T22:13:00.001-04:00

The End Again

2009-06-24T22:05:00.006-04:00

If you've landed here on purpose or by accident I thank you. If you've commented on my depressive silliness I thank you. This particular Blog has lasted a year and a half give or take. It's been fun and it's been hell. It's been infiltrated by an Evil unwelcome Stepmother and by those I've yet to meet. By others I care deeply about.

It's time to let this Blog go. Maybe start another one just like it since I can't exactly escape myself. Maybe something completely different. Maybe a Blog with no words, or weirder than that... Maybe I'll come back in a month or two, a year or five if it's still here wherever here is.

I can't keep writing the same crap over and over. Or maybe I can :) Maybe I will on a Blog with a different name...

The patient showed great promise after having been resurrected. All who witnessed the miracle cheered. But in an instant the patient died again and this time for good.

Before I Go

2009-06-24T21:29:00.005-04:00

She's already stressed me out to the max but she's mine, all mine.

Kudos To Kraft

2009-06-24T14:52:00.004-04:00

I have to give Kraft Foods some credit. You may have noticed that they are now labeling some of their cheese as 'Hormone' Free. Not only that. Today I bought Barbecue Sauce. I like, practically never, buy Barbecue Sauce. This Bull's-Eye was on sale and, has no High Fructose Corn Syrup! I'm impressed! And their Tombstone frozen Pizzas are the best supermarket money can but in my opinion. Still, they sell a lot of SAD foods, but it seems some of their offerings are on the right track.

Kudos to you Kraft. Keep up the good work. Maybe more will follow.

CLEAR!

2009-06-24T14:18:00.007-04:00

Before we get to our new and up and coming menu, or should I say mine menu- Let me say that I got to see both my Sisters on Father's Day (I see my Father more often). Sadly my Brother was in Colorado, but it was a pretty darn good day.

Oh, and we got a little 'God' debate talk in for good measure. Can I continue to say 'Bless you' if I no longer believe in the 'God' of the Bible?

Forgive me I can't go there right now. I'm not even sure my heart is beating any more. Perhaps it's not. Perhaps I am undead. One can only hope. What? Where's your sense of humor? Thank 'God' for my sense of humor! Oy!

So I want to get back on track and start caring about my body again. I detest what I have been consuming in that I know SAD tastes good but I know it IS BAD! It's BAD! BAD! BAD! BAD! What does this mean exactly? If you have been following this blog for a time you will see what works and what doesn't. Clearly whole foods, portioned controlled, work. Crap doesn't. Wine is fine portion controlled also, but for those of us who may be self medicating it becomes that slippery slope again. It makes a beeline to SAD! And when I self medicate, which is what I do, I don't sleep well. I love to sleep well. I do. Dreams are way cool! Waking up ready to go is cool! Going to bed in a purple haze is sucky. Alone at least. I suppose if I shared the haze with some one it would lessen the lesson :0

Future Menu Sampler (three times fast)

Day 1: Eggs and Oranges.

Day 2: Banana and Celery Smoothies.

Day 3: Salmon and Tomatoes.

Day 4: Rice and Beans.

Day 5: Goat Milk.

Day 6: Spinach Oatmeal with Fruit.

Day 7: Juice Fasting.

Not to be taken as Gospel but you get the idea. Simple two perhaps three item day long thingies. Avocados and Tomatoes, Carrots and Potatoes... topped with Egg yolk. Simple, simple, simple!

My aching heart!

2009-06-24T12:48:00.002-04:00

Who Am I?

2009-06-24T12:45:00.001-04:00

Signs Of Life?

2009-06-24T12:40:00.002-04:00

2009-06-24T12:31:00.001-04:00

2009-06-18T10:54:00.000-04:00

AHHHHHH!!!!!!

2009-06-18T09:11:00.003-04:00

Scooter won't start! I can't tell you how this upsets me! I should have gotten a tattoo! Or a road bicycle like I really wanted! What am I going to do now!

1:06PM: And my Refrigerator has been making clicking noises for two days now. It has been hotter than usual but... but what! Die refrigerator die!

7:37PM: I never should have bought the scooter. Perhaps my biggest mistake in a long time. $1399! I bought it so I might be able to leave and get out of this town and it won't let me. I have to wait until the end of the month to buy some starter fluid to try something the technician mentioned. I want to believe it might work, but I don't really.

Maybe I'm going to break down myself :(

Frakin' Scooter!

2009-06-17T10:10:00.004-04:00

I got her running last night! Had trouble this morning, but again got her going. Then after only ONE block she sprung a gas leak and died. Right at the light. Gasoline pouring city. I walked her home and opened her up. She lost a lot of Scooter blood. My piercing clamps helped (who frakin' knew) to stem the flow. I was more worried about a gas fire than anything. I snipped the hose and reconnected it. She doesn't want to start and I might need more gas in order to try. I might have to recharge that battery too.

Frakin' Scooter!

8:01PM: I recharged the battery. Refilled the tank. And it won't start :(

I Hate This Blog!

2009-06-16T09:32:00.007-04:00

And I hate my life! I want to throw a tantrum and break things, but I won't, yet. My scooter arrived yesterday but it won't start. The battery I fear now, needs charging and I don't have a charger. My neighbor Jack has one but he moved. But it's not just the scooter, it's everything. Every fucking thing. What's the point of this stupid fucking blog? Why am I even alive? And I'm not fucking drinking! But maybe I fucking will! Fucking shit! Fucking What!

P. Fuckin S.: I'm going to have to shut down. Self preservation. After Father's day, maybe. I'll fall off the grid never to be seen again.

Wow, I'm so fucking depressed all of a fucking sudden! Frak! See, now that's funny. I write fuck x infinity but end with a frak. Ha!

Today's Fucking Menu

Fucking Breakfast: Oatmeal, 1/2 Peach, 1/4 cup Blueberries.

Fucking Lunch: Chicken Tikka Masala. Celery Tea.

Snack: Frozen Banana and Blueberries with Sunflower Seeds and Yogurt.

Dinner: Tuna Sashimi.

3:37PM: I think my emotional tidal wave has passed- for the moment. My neighbor Jack came by. I helped him carry some things to his new house and he lent me his motorcycle battery charger. Oy!

4:15PM: Tuna Sashimi (poorly sliced).

Rice VS Potatoes

2009-06-15T21:22:00.002-04:00

This post is not about the nutritional value of Rice vs Potatoes, this about how I think I like Rice more than Potatoes. I like rice plain and with just about anything. From Butter to Egg Yolk to Bok Choy to Lettuce to raw fish to Chicken to Masala Sauce to like I said, just about anything. Potatoes are not so easy. Potatoes love FAT and Cheese and flavoring more than I feel Rice does. Rice requires less salt for me than potatoes do. I do use seasoning for sure.

I'll still be eating Po-Taters but I think I'll be eating more Rice over all.

To Rice!

What you See

2009-06-15T09:22:00.004-04:00

Breakfast
Pataks Tikka Masala Sauce 1/3 cup, 1/2 Tomato, 1 Celery Stalk, 1/4 cup Jasmine Rice (dry), Yogurt. Celery Tea (Celery boiled separately-strained).

Lunch

1 Hard boiled Egg, 1/4 cup Rice (dry), 1 Bok Choy Leaf in Miso Soup.

Snack
Frozen Banana, Blueberries, Sunflower Seeds.

Cesar Salad
4 Romaines Leaves, 1 Egg Yolk, 1 Tbsp Olive Oil, 3 Anchovies, Lemon Juice. 10 Frozen Grapes.

Snack
1/2 Golden Delicious Apple, Swiss Cheese.

Breakfast by far was the highlight of my meals today. I love Indian food! I'd never tried this Masala Sauce before and was very happy about it. There is plenty of Sauce left too so I will be having this and variations of this for days to come.

I won't be publicly weighing in for a while. I did not weigh in this morning. I'm not sure I want to know my weight right now. I will weigh myself soon and will on the blog at the end of June.

2009-06-14T10:38:00.003-04:00

Scott Of The Sahara

2009-06-13T11:27:00.001-04:00

It appears Monty Python have reclaimed many Youtube videos and perhaps rightly so. Still there's this while it lasts.

We have experienced milestones in comedy that may never be seen again. Think about it.

Can We Talk?

2009-06-13T08:17:00.005-04:00

I don't know what I want to eat for Breakfast. Can we talk? I fasted all day yesterday to only give in and drink 3 glasses of Wine, eat more Pasta and buy a foot long Sub. Can we talk? Do you know what the best grass-fed Butter tastes like? Can we talk?

I ask your forgiveness. I'm so tired of the extra weight I carry around, even if it doesn't bother my skinny therapist. I'm tired of writing about diets. These are also complicated statements for though I am weary, I won't give in completely. It's not me. But this month is one long fraking month! I'm nearly completely broke, though I did make an ebay sale of $21, yay! I'll be seeing that next week sometime... where am I going with this? I don't want to worry about SAD this weekend. I don't mean to say I'm going to binge, but I just don't want to worry about anything, drink, food, how I'm going to get out of here... you know? I'm tired. This might mean I'll gain some more weight as I can easily do but this is a fraking long month! Did I mention that already? There's still two weeks and three days a comin'. Comin' a slowly I might add. So give me this weekend off and I promise not to be too SAD about it.

I woke up this morning thinking okay, we need the proverbial slap in the diet face. Let's do a juice fast. But then I thought about the food that might go bad because the fast lasts 7 days. And I talked myself out of it. This isn't the time. Then I said to myself- "Give yourself a break." It's a long fraking month. Wow, I carried that sentence a bit far now don't you think? It's a long fraking month! D'Oh! Focus! So I bought two food items I didn't really need while at the market today. Can we talk about them?

This Butter is Awesome! It's from Ireland, no! Yes! And from grass-fed Cows! It stays spreadable even in the fridge and the drawback is it costs the big bucks. But once you've experienced better Butter you feel cheated with the generic supermarket brand. I haven't bought this in a long while because it's double the price for half the amount received, but so be it.

This Bread is Awesome! One of the best breads with the fewest ingredients which in my opinion is what to look for. For example: Whole Rye Meal, Water, Black Strap Molasses, Salt, Yeast, Caramel color, calcium propionate. It's difficult to find bread without some sort of preservative- but this bread rules! They sell plain Rye, Sunflower Seed etc. Sliced thin. This bread, when I first discovered it was as far as I was concerned a very reasonable price. Then the gas started going up and so did the Rubschlager. It was on sale today though so I thought BUY IT!

So, is it okay if I take the weekend off from worry? I promise to become a (fingers crossed) responsible citizen Monday okay?

I'm gonna go buy some Hot Dogs then okay bye :)

The Oldest Living Thing

2009-06-12T19:46:00.006-04:00

If you have any interest in the life of this planet and those beings who have been around longer than Grandma please check out the Oldest Living Thing Link.

Lately I find myself more connected to living creatures as well as the 'trees' where I live. I haven't exactly hugged them, but I do stop, touch them and talk to them as I haven't before. These living beings, many older than we will ever be, deserve our respect. Especially with what they contribute to the Earth and what we do to them.

Side note: I'm terrified about how I am going to survive when I leave this hole soon. The fact is I might not survive. When I sell my home, my benefits stop. How will I survive the buying/selling/moving period- alone. I am alone in this. Scares the shit out of me... But I digress.

Then there are the trees. They will hopefully be standing long after I am gone. Have you really stopped and touched one- thinking this is a living being? The crusty bark I'm sure most of us completely overlook.

When you walk by your next tree give it some credit for it may very well be older than you x infinity.

Almost Made It

2009-06-12T17:05:00.004-04:00

I didn't last the fast. But I aint SAD about it :)

Dinner: Cooked in Butter Egg White, Raw Yolk.

If I can make my cheat day, a cheat meal instead, like I used to do long ago and far away, it will be much easier to implement damage control.

Water For Life

2009-06-12T09:46:00.006-04:00

We all know without water we would die. Isn't that something? All of us on the planet just about, right? Are there any beasties that don't? So today is a beautiful water fast day. Currently at 10AM I have absolutely no interest in eating anything. No hunger at all. Even if I get hungry later on I hope I do not give in to 'food'. Not today anyway. Not after what I ate yesterday. But you know what? It wasn't as SAD as it could have been, honestly, if you know me, yup. The Spiced Ham Sandwich totally touched some mememory thingy in my brain and the pasta was so delightfully filling I didn't even finish it. And I didn't buy Licorice so there!

Ugh! I didn't sleep well at all. I had a restless nap in the evening and stayed awake from late night to around 3AM. I did get to watch Conan. He's so funny! He must be a Reptilian!

Today's Menu

Water

2:15PM: So far today I haven't felt hungry at all. I wonder why? :0 That doesn't mean I haven't been tempted to scrap the Water for Dinner and have some Soup instead. How bad could that be? 1 bowl of homemade Vegetable Soup. I mean really. Okay, now I'm getting hungry!

An Open Letter To kellysjones On Youtube

2009-06-11T13:53:00.010-04:00

Dear Kelly,

I'm hurt, I think is the best word. I found you by accident really. No, not that really because I was deliberately searching Youtube on Water Fasting, of all things. I found that you had water fasted. Cool!

It was then, in the dark times, that Xeta began tubing the Jones for more information as obviously she was well, hot in face and word and hand gestures and stuff and I'd had some wine... I was kinda smitten. Your words echoed 'The Game of Life' by Florence Shinn. Except on occasion I heard you mention 'Ramtha' and the 'Reptilians'... so, I googled them.

I had heard of David Icke and the Repilians a while back and I guess immediately let it go as that was that. But it wasn't quite that. I did watch several videos and was very interested- but then I guess let it go again. But it wasn't quite all that...

Throughout the ages man, male and female, have looked to the Gods, spoken with the Gods and they have gone from many to one, essentially. Maybe I am a Reptilian. Maybe the truth is if you dig deep enough we are all Reptilian. Look how we develop in the womb! Who develops differently! And then, the tail disintegrates... There is a Reptilian base in all of us perhaps.

I spent quite a while feeding off your exuberant energy, your saying everything we want to hear and then some. When Ramtha and the Reptilians came up, your brilliance dissipated like the morning mist on a field of green. You became one of many kooky heads making a buck off the insecure, truth seeking masses.

I hope, before you reach the status of Ramtha as I fear you have intention, that you will realize your error and get back to helping people become the best people they can be without all the mumbo jumbo.

Watch a little Christopher Hitchens rather than David Icke. People need your talent, but don't spend your life as JZ Knight has.

You wrote that your beliefs have changed. You write 'Wake Up!'

Please 'Wake Up' Kelly.

And that's all I'm sayin'

Sincerely,
Xeta Prime

What's Another Bottle?

2009-06-11T13:50:00.003-04:00

Breifly, it seems my total Wine intake on this 'cheat' day will be 1.5 bottles of BooNaRoo Shiraz Cabernet. It is quite possible that at some later time I make the decision to get more if my emotional needs are not being met. Ha! I know! It's funny! So be it. Anyway...

okay bye.

7lbs

2009-06-11T09:44:00.007-04:00

That's not bad in a little over a week right? I mean, I behaved for a week right? Right? Riiiggghhhhttt?

Starweight 172.2lbs

I'm going to cheat today. I hope not too excessively. I did buy Pasta this morning and some Pesto Sauce. I love Pesto Sauce! And you know how there are certain foods from your past like when you had a Job and you ate at the same place everyday, eating the same food everyday, everyday- you know how that sticks with you. The particular combination of food and drink. Big Mac/Orange Drink. Whopper/Diet Coke. Well years ago I used to love to get Spiced Ham on a Roll with Mayo and a carton of Chocolate Milk. We will be having that at some point mid-afternoon I think before the Pasta. Will I buy Green Licorice? Do I want it? Do I need it?

So, expecting the worst, the idea here will be to follow this day with a Water Fast. I could do a low calorie day, but I really want to just flush the Water through, you know? I'm not certain which I'll do but I would prefer the Water route. Penance is my middle name :)

I am starting the day on a healthy note though, as you can see.

I woke up half an hour later than usual and spent twice as long in the Supermarket which really paid off at the scale. When I woke up I was 173.1lbs. I drank no Water, set out to the market and lost .9 parts of a pound! I love that! And we'll wash that down with some Purple Haze and SAD why don't we :)

10:27AM: I just found out my scooter is due to arrive on Monday. Please almighty universal powers help it arrive to me intact, bright and shiny. Pleaheeheeseee!

6:18PM: It's so freaking hot here I'm sweating like a pig! What does that mean exactly? I did buy more Wine but have had only one glass. This wine seems to have a lot of residue and I don't think I need to drink anymore. I'm tempted to return this wine. When I saw the residue I checked the date- 2002! It tastes okay though. But I am so full I don't think I can drink anything else without exploding! Boom!

The Pesto Pasta was delicious! But was it worth the price?

Tomorrow we Water fast. No ifs, no buts just Water. I'm looking forward to it.

I'm Not Depressed But...

2009-06-10T08:16:00.014-04:00

I have to get my sorry ass in gear man. I've got to get back to packing. There's a lull in the rain down here and I should take advantage of it and get some more boxes. It can be a tiresome thing to do on foot.

Anywho...

Starweight 061009: 173.2lbs Cool Beans!

And I even had Pizza! And it's been tasting phantasmagorical on Whole Wheat Pita who knew! But I must confess I did make another walk to Publix last night on purpose. I was a little worried about the Chicken and the Pizza- so maybe that walked helped I'm sure. Phew!

Today's Menu

Brefastak: 1 Egg, 1/4 Green Pepper in spicy Tomato Sauce. Green Pepper Tea.

Snack: 1/2 Whole Wheat Pita, Olive Oil dip.

Lunch: Chilled Vegetable Soup (Spinach, 1 Carrot, 1 Celery Stalk, 1/2 Onion, 1/4 Green Pepper, 1 Garlic Clove- cooked everything but the Spinach), Yogurt. 1 glass of Wine.

Snack: 1 Banana, Cinnamon.

Snack: 1/2 Golden Delicious Apple, Swiss Cheese.

Dinner: Salmon, Miso Soup.

Snack: 1 glass of Wine (I have my reasons).

Breakfast was so simple and delicious! I chop the Green Pepper and boil in the Tea Water separately. In fact I never heated up the Sauce. Just spiced it and added in the Pepper. What a low calorie meal! I waited until finished eating to drink the Tea. I repeat as I have in the past- Green Pepper Tea is good! I'm honestly surprised I don't read more about people drinking their Vegetable Water. Maybe I'm missing it? Oh the cleverness of me :) What!

6:03PM: (sigh) Well, so ends another day at Xeta's Improv. Nothing was accomplished today except good eating. I did find a box I can use for packing, Yay! And today's food all tasted great. Will I gain? Will I lose? D'Oh!

Saved By The Bell Reunion Update 3

2009-06-09T17:21:00.006-04:00

You know what, MPG looks really good! He looks just the same with those closes and that hair. And it could have been a great skit except Jummy Fallon was Awful! Awful! Awful! How did Fallon get that gig? I have liked him in the past but I just can't get past how Awful he is now. Horrible ad-libs! OY!

Sleep Watching?

2009-06-09T14:19:00.005-04:00

This has happened twice recently. Is this because I have been watching spiritual and not such videos? Videos about Reptilian Aliens and Scam artists named Ramtha? Are there entities we know not there not of not?

Last night, sober mind you I didn't buy Wine until today, I stayed up to watch Conan O'brien. I'm so happy he's on earlier because he's so funny! Anyway, I almost made it to midnight and David Duchovny was going to be on- but I started to fall asleep. I said out loud "Sorry David" and placed the remote on the floor near the bed. It's one of those huge and I mean deliberately HUGE remotes! I don't know why I bought it. Yes I do- It's so BIG!

I wake up at 5:00AM. Now remember I'd placed the HUGE remote on the floor. My arm feels something. The remote was on the bed. I remember saying "Sorry David" and placing it- on-the-floor! I don't remember watching late night TV or anything. I don't know how it got back on the bed. This has happened once before maybe a week or two ago. I paid no attention to it thinking I must have fallen asleep with it on the bed. But now...

Am I sleep watching television?

Is an entity revealing itself to me?

D'Oh!

Antitheism Hitchens

2009-06-09T13:42:00.004-04:00

Scooter Frakin' Day

2009-06-09T08:17:00.016-04:00

My new Scooter arrives today, or should I say 'Ride of Death!' It's scary and fun, what can I say. But it'll get me outta Dodge man! Bang Zoom!

Starweight 060909: 173.8lbs

Go Kale Soup!

I have to use up the leftover Chicken so I will be having said Soup only once today.

Today's Menu

Breakfast: Spinach Oatmeal, Blueberries, Cinnamon.

Snack: 1 Banana, Blueberries, Sunflower Seeds.

Lunch: Cold Chicken Parmesan.

Snack 1:20PM: 1/2 Pita Pizza. 1 glass of Wine.

2:30PM: 1/2 Golden Delicious Apple.

3:00PM: 1/8 cup Pumpkin Seeds.

4:00PM: 1/2 Golden Delicious Apple.

Dinner: Chilled Kale Vegetable Soup.

Yesterday I changed a light fixture in my Kitchen and worked up quite a sweat. I'm thankful for those burnt calories.

I can't wait to get outta Dodge man!

10:41AM: BAD SCOOTER DAY! It arrived in bad shape :( I had to refuse shipment. Ohm! Ohm! 12345678911011!

1:33PM: I'm going to try and make (fingers crossed) this cheap ass $3.58 with tax bottle of Wine last an entire week. I needed it today. Perhaps I should clarify with the word- wanted. I wanted it today. It somehow soothes my disappointment and the incredible ringing in my ears. Thank you very much.

Please note the 1/2 Pita Pizza rather than the customary whole Pita Pizza. An earnest attempt at portion control.

Please note #2 that I have been watching a lot of Christopher Hitchens and am now thinking and speaking just like him. So be it. oops- that last thingy was Ramtha :) WHAT!

Kale Vegetable Soup is giving me gas :0

I think I ate too much today :(

Watch This 1hr 33Min 55sec

2009-06-08T19:43:00.001-04:00

Hitchens and Boteach Debate on God

Potato Based Diet Day

2009-06-08T08:37:00.020-04:00

Today's Menu

Breakfast: 1.5 Red Potatoes mashed with Water, 1/2 Tomato, Cilantro, Basil, Salt, Pepper, Garlic Powder.

Snack: 1/2 Banana, 1/4 cup Blueberries, 1/8 cup Sunflower Seeds.

Lunch: Kale Vegetable Soup, Parmesan Cheese.

Snack: 1/8 cup Pumpkin Seeds.

Snack: 1/2 Golden Delicious Apple, Swiss Cheese.

Snack: 1/2 Golden Delicious Apple.

Snack: 1/2 Avocado with Lemon Juice.

Dinner: Kale Vegetable Soup, Parmesan Cheese.

Snack: 1/2 Red Potato with Ketchup.

I can't explain it. It's an urge to eat this way today and with no Animal foods or Fats. A day won't kill me :) You Omnivores youse! Free will I tell ya! FREE WILL! NEWMAN!

Starweight: 060809: 175.1lbs

And those last two SAD Donuts are garbage! Not to be eaten! See Ya! Don't wanna eat ya!

10:08AM: So okay, forget about the no fat thang. I just had some Sunflower Seeds and later in the day I'll have some Pumpkin Seeds. Compromise, compromise.

12:05PM: OMG! If you know me and I know you know me, I've never bought Kale. I've eaten the garnish in restaraunts but never cooked it or eaten raw at home. I just googled Kale soup and the pictures look really good! So new plan! Kale Soup for Lunch and Dinner. I'm going to make it now okay bye.

1:06PM: Wow! Kale soup is great! It tastes so different cooked. And as you see I sprinkled Parmesan Cheese on it so there goes the no animal food thang too :( Not sorry I made this though. Yay!

Kale Vegetable Soup
(3 servings)

Kale
1 Red Potato
1 Tomato
2 Carrots
1 Onion
1 Garlic Clove
1/2 cup Black Beans
3/4 cup No Sugar Added Pasta Sauce.
1 Tsp chopped Cilantro.
Water

Chop Potato, Carrots, Onion and Garlic and add to pot. Chop Tomato and add to beans and save to side with sauce. Add water to pot enough to cover the vegetables with the idea you will be adding in Kale. Boil Water and Veggies until Potatos are cooked. Add in Beans, Tomato, Cilantro and Sauce. Add as much Kale as you want. Cook until tender. Add whatever spices you want. Sprinkle with Parmesan Cheese if you want. Oy! Good!

5:43PM: I'm feeling pretty full. Earlier I added more FAT into the menu because I had been given 2 Avocados which I proceeded to prepare and freeze, keeping 1/2 because... I was hungry. Will I gain? Will I lose on this Soup not quite Potato day?

I did throw out the Donuts and I admit for a split second after doing so I thought of George Costanza and the infamous Chocolate Eclair episode... but that's all it was, a thought otherwise I'd be eating one right now :)

Holy Shit!

2009-06-07T08:58:00.011-04:00

I lost 2.5lbs!

This is absolutely wild! Now, I know that this is not my set body weight. But seldom do I get a weight drop that in any way resembles a 2.5lb loss unless I try a fraking fad something something. Interestlingly, and probably only to me and other weight loss obsessed folks, ehh, there were a couple of differences to yesterday's menu that may have a beariing on this case :)

1. I bought PampA 100% Pure Sunflower Oil and had a tablespoon of it in a shot glass. Why did I buy Sunflower Oil? It was only a $1.00. And when I looked on the back it said 1 Tbsp gives you 77% of your vitamin E for the day! I have Sunflower Seeds at home! But It was a plan. I forgot to list it yesterday because of the soup making but I did remember to take a picture. I will repeat this again today for why not.

2. Homemade Chicken Soup. Cooked with bones in. It's been a while since I'd had real Chicken Soup and scientists have proven if you believe the believe that it does have immune enhancing properties. I know because I read that yesterday :) I did eat that early- around 4PM.

3. Lamb and Egg for Lunch. That's really nothing new for me but who knows?

Howevere and a big one is- and I bet you're not wondering about that frosted donut I had yesterday. A friend of my Fathers brings him donuts. DONUTS! He's DIABETIC! Evil Stepmom is out of town but she cooked him BROWNIES! She buys him ICE CREAM! What's with these people! My Father is like a big kid in a candy store when it come to Ice Cream and Donuts! So, yesterday this 'friend' comes by and gives him 4 Chocolate Frosted Donuts- while I'm sitting there and you know I said something about it. "Why are you giving him Donuts when you know he's Diabetic?" Her reply was "You can have them then." D'Oh! So I took them with me and there are three left :)

And, I had that late bowl of Rice with Uber Spiced Spaghetti Sauce... so I know I'm going on about this but what was it?

OH!

4. I walked down to the fake little pond to watch the bunnies. They often run away, but sometimes creep back while I'm still there. I've never done this to this extent before, but essentially I stood still like a pole for 40 minutes. You know how long 40 minutes feels when you're standing still? LIKE TIME IS STANDING STILL! A LONG TIME! I could feel the strain on my legs believe it or not. I wonder if I burned a lot of calories doing that.

These questions and more will never be answered eventually.

Today's Menu

Breakfast: Black Beans, Tomato, Onion, Cilantro with Lemon Juice over Jasmine Rice and Guacamole!

Lunch: Sunny Side Egg, Pork Steak.

Snack: 4 slices of Swiss Cheese.

Snack: 1 Tbsp Sunflower Oil.

Dinner: Chicken Parmesan.

Snack: 1 Frosted Donut.

snack: 8 frozen Grapes.

P.S. I have this thing where when I read about someone new, or it doesn't matter really, my sense of self must be so weak because I want to be them- or channel them rather than be myself. Probably because I don't have a strong sense of self. I have a strong sense of many selves. After reading about Morn last night all I wanted was to go Raw. I wake up this morning feeling it's not just about that, it's about SAD food. Bad food. Portion control. I know I can lose weight eating whole foods- carbohydrates included. It's years and years of programming and parental yapping about weight and self loathing... UGH! Acculturation! Mass marketing of easy cheesy weight gain girl... ?

Okay bye.

P.P.S. The 'Guacamole really isn't. It's the Avocado I froze a few months back. Freezes totally awsome! I still have 2 mini-muffins sized thingies left. That and freezing grapes are the highlight of my year :) among other things of course...

6:52PM: I'm home. Spent the early afternoon and through Dinner over at my Fathers. The Chicken Parmesan turned out very well I think. They were BIG BREASTS! Ate only half of it. Brought my camera and then forgot to take a picture. My Father likes canned Asparagus! OMG! It's almost disgusting but I had some. I was never big on canned vegetables. I mean just about all the time I've been on my own I've bought fresh veggies or none at all. Not sure why. Rode my bike home in the sprinkling rain and had a donut :)

But I was good all day. What will this Donut do? Maybe I rode it off.

Return To The Garden

2009-06-06T22:12:00.004-04:00

Well, maybe it's time I go Raw Veggie for a while. My problem is I won't throw or give away the meat foods and to be cooked foods I currently have, so maybe after I have consumed them. Making this month not a good time to start. But I love Morn's Return Story. I like the simplicity of her menus. I'm inspired by her.

It's been a long time since I'd first read through her journal and there are new entries to explore. I don't expect a miracle but maybe I should :)

I guess we'll have to wait and see. Lord knows I can be all over the place but I am getting tired of this body I currently have stewardship over. Ship Shape! Ship Shape!

Oh I don't know! I just don't know! Do I? :0

Same Old Thing

2009-06-06T12:25:00.010-04:00

Yesterday, after Dinner at about 6:30PM I finished the Pringles and made a most excellent Whole Wheat Pita Pizza! As bad as that was after leading a very proper diet day, I didn't gain weight. I am the exact same as yesterday. I guess that's something.

Today's Menu

Breakfast: Spinach Oatmeal, 1/2 Banana, 1/4 cup Blueberries, Cinnamon.

Snack: 1/2 Whole Wheat Pita, Olive Oil dip.

Lunch: 1 Sunny Egg, Lamb. 6 frozen Grapes.

Snack: 4 slices of Swiss Cheese.

Dinner: Homemade Chicken Soup.
I'm bringing Soup over while the Witch is away. What!

Snack: 1 Entenmanns Frosted Donut. What! :)

Snack: 1/3 cup (dry)Jasmine Rice, Tomato Sauce.

9:38PM: I can't explain it. Tonight and I guess for the last two nights? I've gotten evening muchies. Why? No Wine so I can't blame it on Wine...

I just read your post Shanz and I wish I had an answer. It's exhausting. But I know struggling is better than giving up. I looked in the mirror tonight and felt with all my heart that that is not what I want to see looking back at me. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it. I'm not sure when. I have triggers all around me, but I'll get there or keep trying. Or not as the case may be.

Maybe we have to go stealth and all private and stuff. Maybe it's best not to talk about what we are doing so there isn't that pressure or guilt if we fail?

???

The Divide

2009-06-06T08:00:00.011-04:00

by Xeta Prime

She waited until there was no light or sound before she stepped onto the divide. She'd done this before without incident. She had no reason to doubt this time would be different. Only this time was different. She was different. She was heavier and not alone. She was pregnant.

She looked again, pausing after that first step- no lights, no sound...

She remembered back to the first time she'd ever crossed the divide. She was young and naive. It was all a game to her, but to her remaining Family it was much more serious. She never knew that her Father had been lost in the crossing of this great expanse. Her mother had kept it a secret. All she knew was that he had left to get some food and never returned. She figured he must have had a good reason for staying away and since she was such an enlightened child it was easy to accept.

Years before while her Sisters were lagging behind, she would fly across the divide like a contestant at Speedo-Run! She was fast as fast could be, her feet never seeming to touch the ground. And she was safe!

"Focus!" She screamed to herself. "We are here and now and we can do this."

Step two. Step three. Before she knew it she was in the middle of the divide. The cold yellow dark where nothing would grow was a familiar marker. "That was quick" she thought. "I'm half way there." It wasn't easy carrying such extra weight.

But then she heard the sound and saw the lights. As if out of nowhere they came at her. She stared at the lights. She stared too long! Look away! Move! Run! RUN!

The car hit hard, breaking her neck and killing her instantly. Her body bumped into the air, flipping upside down and coming to slow bloody roll on the ground as the machine sped on it's cold dead morning way. Three of the babies flew out and landed on the divide. Two were killed as a second car followed suit. The third lay on the ground gasping to live and then it too quickly passed on.

While riding my bicycle home this morning, after visiting my Father, I saw a dead Possum with three of her children beside her. Two were unrecognizable as nothing more than smudges. The third was whole, intact but lifeless. I stared at the Possum in horror and looked for signs that there may still be life inside of her. I saw nothing. I put my hand to my mouth and screamed an "Oh God!". I looked around, stunned, picked up my bike and road home.

I'm Xeta

2009-06-05T09:04:00.009-04:00

And I have been sober 11hrs. 3hrs? Do we count sleep time?

Starweight 060509: 178.2lbs

How did I lose weight?

After eating the 2 bowls of 'Oh's' my God Cereal I hopped on my bicycle, road to Albertsons, spent $3.34 on a cheap bottle of Wine, $1.00 on Diet Rite Cola, a $1.99 Hot Pockets Supreme Calzone and $1.50 on a Super Stack Onion Blossom Pringles! OY! Funds I need not spend on SAD! I've been wanting to try the Calzone but have been wary of it. It wasn't bad. Almost good. You know these frozen Pizza things never quite taste right. But, I wasn't disappointed. Go SAD!

Needless to say the Wine disappeared, the Calzone went poof! And there is still 1/2 a can of Pringles left that I have not thrown away as I should doodoo. That, is what is wrong with Super Stack- there are leftovers!

Still, somehow the day of eating well before the night, seems to have paid off. I still lost weight.

I have therapy today and would much rather stay home and listen to Kelly Smith & Jones.

There's a book called 'The Game of Life and How to Play It'. Anyone read it, yet? :) You can find the entire book HERE. I highly recomment this book and I really should read it through again. It was written by Florence Scovel Shinn I believe around 1925.

Okay bye.

Today's Menu

Breakfast: Black Beans, Tomato and Onion with Cilantro and Gucamole over Jasmine Rice. Sprinled with Lemon Juice and Salt.

Snack: 1/2 cup Yogurt, 1 Banana, Cinnamon.

Lunch: 1 Red Potato mashed with Water, Broccoli Stalk chopped, 1 Tbsp Butter, 1 Egg Yolk.

Dinner: Lamb, sauteed Onion, Tomato. 8 Frozen Grapes.

5:31PM: Hopefully I have finished eating for the day. OMG! The Pringles! The Pringles! heh heh :0

I Need To Wake Up!

2009-06-04T21:32:00.006-04:00

I am an Indigo 52 year old adult!

There is a Woman on Youtube who's user name is 'kellysjones' like above and she is just freaking me out man! I don't agree yet about the Reptilian stuff that's being talked about, honestly, but just about every other word out of her mouth rings true to me! Indigo? I'd heard of that... maybe this is like the Horoscope game, where all of our horoscopes seem to apply to our very own selves. You know what I mean? I just know that what I'm hearing now, is what I want to hear and that is more than I can say from my therapist. Just sayin'.

I'm like a Indigo Elder!

Who is this woman!

Except for the fact that she loves Ramtha who I suspect is a fraud (google her) and the whole Reptilian thing, her words and thoughts are like GOLD to me! I'm so torn! And amazed! Not just because I think she's hot and I love her accent and Tattoos, but because her words touch me in all her Youtube sincerity.

Frakin' Oy!

We Are Evil!

2009-06-04T20:58:00.003-04:00

It's funny, I'm watching a stupid show, the stupidist show- but I like reality shows but this really isn't one, exactly- 'I'm a Celebriity get me out of here'... And It's not really funny at all! I get through the entire show, then as previews for next week roll it looks like there will be some fun stuff ahead. Someone locked in a tank that is flooding with water- fine. I'm down with that. Then the announcer says- "But they won't be alone". In the tank was clearly a young Alligator and I think a snake or two.

It's one thing if on reality shows contestants are forced to eat exotic bugs and things humans have been eating for centuries, it's another thing to torture small beasties for stupid profit while they are still alive. I know! Jeeze Xeta, get over it. But I can't. Maybe these animals weren't hurt during the filming of this mindless show, God I hope not.

It just saddens me so very much :(

Ack Ack Ack Ack

2009-06-04T15:20:00.005-04:00

Breakfast: Spinach Oatmeal with Blueberries and Cinnamon.

Snack: 1/2 Whole Wheat Pita, Olive Oil dip.

Lunch: 2 small Red Potatoes, Broccoli, Butter, Egg Yolk. Broccoli Tea.

Snack: Kimchi and Swiss Cheese.

Snack: Banana, 1/2 cup Yogurt, Cinnamon.

Dinner: Salmon a la Mayonnaise, Summer Squash, Tomato.

6:30PM: AHHHHHH!!! I made it the entire day eating real food! What happened! I should have thrown the box of cereal I bought last week AWAY! Not Oatmeal, boxed sugar crappy cereal! OMG! I just had two bowls in Goat Milk! Whaaaaaaa :(

Your Grave

2009-06-02T15:37:00.001-04:00

I look for the string
I tied to the fence
That marks
Your grave

A knot with wings
Black and green
Tied to the fence
That marks
Your grave

There you are
I see you now
I feel you now
Oh...
Goopy

I say hello
I miss you so
I love you very much
You're a good boy

I look for the string
I tied to the fence
That marks
Your grave

Mayonnaise on Rice and Vegetables!

2009-06-02T11:56:00.005-04:00

No! This is not something I made. Though I admit to googling Mayonnaise and Rice okay! OMG! And I admit my Lunch plan changed to like, include, ehh, BACON! So! I was googling Bacon, Tomato and Rice! Maybe with Mayo! What!

Forced Pantry

2009-06-02T10:13:00.007-04:00

If you read my previous post you'll know this is going to be a very tight month regarding food and spare cash. In fact I was going to buy a new starter for my kitchen lights, but now realize that might have to wait. Who doesn't love the dark. It's the little things that creep up on you. I'm almost out of toilet paper- that sort of thing. But I'm just yapping. It's not like I haven't been here before and at least I'll be able to pay the bills, which brings me to the title of this post. I was going to call it 'Forced Entry' but that doesn't make any sense.

I suppose I could be gluttonous with the food I still have at home, or, I could turn things around today. I did have a simple Breakfast. I could post a 'Today's Menu'. I'm just having 'trouble' with why. Why? Why post a frakin' Menu? Why weigh myself? I think I know what I'm going to eat today and it's light years more healthy and portion controlled than anything I've eaten in the last week, but what's the point of posting it? I can hear my mind screaming as I wrote this just now- shouting at me "Stupid!". Like, I know why bother, I do it for the glory! :)

We're such an ego driven people aren't we? Youtube, blogs and so on. We want to reach out and feel connected and recognized if only for the nose ring through my septum and ratchet thingies in my ears. I've been thinking of deleting this blog. A year and a half of self indulgent Menus and Drink. Of crying about my aloneness and failures. Then my ego, is it my ego? My ego says, why delete it? leave it up in case it helps someone somehow someday, but just stop posting. How self important of me.

Today's Menu

Breakfast: 1 Red Potato, two Broccoli thingies chopped, chopped Onion cooked in Olive Oil. Broccoli Tea.

Snack: Dill Pickle with Swiss Cheese.

Lunch: Bacon, Tomato and Rice with Mayonnaise.

12:22PM: It appears I am still in the clutches of Satan's Delicatessen. Wow, I spelled that right the first time! Oh lordy! The ironing of it all :)

Trouble

2009-06-02T08:28:00.006-04:00

I'm having trouble caring. I feel emotionally exhausted. Still, I must care a little for I just spent all my money on another scooter. Why did I do that? I could have taken a vacation! I never take vacations! I think my last planned vacation was back in the late 1980s! I could have had a week in Costa Rica :( Instead I spend all my green just so I can get out of this town to see other homes where I might be able to buy and live. How responsible of me... or desperate. Also these bikes scare me. I'm sorry but it's probably because of my imagination. The thought of flying off the bike in an accident is frightful! And it's bound to happen at some point... It did cost $200 less than the Lance Interceptor scoot. And I used the money from the sale of that bike plus some small computer gig mula and it's on its way. Leaving me with $57 cash and $90 in food assistance FOR A MONTH! OY! I was just afraid that in a short while the money would go 'naturally' as it tends to do and then where would I be. Sunshine: AND NOW IT'S SUMMERTIME! IT'S GETTING HOT! FRAK! On the happy front this will give me a way to visit my friend. I think we need some laughs, riigghhtt!

Then, I think I'm never getting out of here. When I think that, I want to grab an unsuspecting crewman's phaser and shoot myself with it! I want to give up the ghost. Throw in the towel. Bite my hand that feeds me and feed the worms instead.

I've been eating heart attack food since last Wednesday. I have not weighed myself. I drank 6 bottles of wine and 12 bottles of beer in less than a week. If pain could be measured in my breath, ehh, if you could measure pain, as an aura, ehh, well there's just a lot of it OKAY! Damn therapy's making it worse! I'd rather feel pain though than be fraking numb I tell ya!

So the uh, the scooter will arrive and I'll be too broke to register it or fill it with gas HA! I know, who needs to know.

Yesterday I started making a list of things I would take with me, if I decided to leave this country. Funny how my reissue vintage toys are tops on the list. Why do I cling to them so. I have a lot of papers and things I might have to leave behind. Not sure what difference it would make anyway. When my Mother died she left her things behind. The thing is, Artists in general want to leave their 'footprint' written or painted in stone for all eternity and placed in a museum where we will be remembered for good or for bad etc. etc. etc. I'll say this, if I sell this home and hop on a plane... guflacksenflugee (wild hand gestures) nufadram (facial expressions) senlickarrgghhh!

2009-05-31T11:36:00.002-04:00

Sugar and Cancer

2009-05-31T09:48:00.007-04:00

Originally printed by The Alternative Research Foundation

It puzzles me why the simple concept "sugar feeds cancer" can be so dramatically overlooked as part of a comprehensive cancer treatment plan.

Of the 4 million cancer patients being treated in America today, hardly any are offered any scientifically guided nutrition therapy beyond being told to "just eat good foods." Most patients I work with arrive with a complete lack of nutritional advice.

I believe many cancer patients would have a major improvement in their outcome if they controlled the supply of cancer's preferred fuel, glucose.

By slowing the cancer's growth, patients allow their immune systems and medical debulking therapies -- chemotherapy, radiation and surgery to reduce the bulk of the tumor mass -- to catch up to the disease.

Controlling one's blood-glucose levels through diet, supplements, exercise, meditation and prescription drugs when necessary can be one of the most crucial components to a cancer recovery program. The sound bite -- sugar feeds cancer -- is simple. The explanation is a little more complex.

The 1931 Nobel laureate in medicine, German Otto Warburg, Ph.D., first discovered that cancer cells have a fundamentally different energy metabolism compared to healthy cells.

The crux of his Nobel thesis was that malignant tumors frequently exhibit an increase in anaerobic glycolysis -- a process whereby glucose is used as a fuel by cancer cells with lactic acid as an anaerobic byproduct -- compared to normal tissues.

The large amount of lactic acid produced by this fermentation of glucose from cancer cells is then transported to the liver. This conversion of glucose to lactate generates a lower, more acidic pH in cancerous tissues as well as overall physical fatigue from lactic acid buildup. Thus, larger tumors tend to exhibit a more acidic pH.

This inefficient pathway for energy metabolism yields only 2 moles of adenosine triphosphate (ATP) energy per mole of glucose, compared to 38 moles of ATP in the complete aerobic oxidation of glucose.

By extracting only about 5 percent (2 vs. 38 moles of ATP) of the available energy in the food supply and the body's calorie stores, the cancer is "wasting" energy, and the patient becomes tired and undernourished. This vicious cycle increases body wasting.

It is one reason why 40 percent of cancer patients die from malnutrition, or cachexia. Hence, cancer therapies should encompass regulating blood-glucose levels via diet, supplements, non-oral solutions for cachectic patients who lose their appetite, medication, exercise, gradual weight loss and stress reduction. Professional guidance and patient self-discipline are crucial at this point in the cancer process. The quest is not to eliminate sugars or carbohydrates from the diet but rather to control blood glucose within a narrow range to help starve the cancer and bolster immune function.

The glycemic index is a measure of how a given food affects blood-glucose levels, with each food assigned a numbered rating. The lower the rating, the slower the digestion and absorption process, which provides a healthier, more gradual infusion of sugars into the bloodstream.

Conversely, a high rating means blood-glucose levels are increased quickly, which stimulates the pancreas to secrete insulin to drop blood-sugar levels. This rapid fluctuation of blood-sugar levels is unhealthy because of the stress it places on the body

Sugar in the Body and Diet

Sugar is a generic term used to identify simple carbohydrates, which includes monosaccharides such as fructose, glucose and galactose; and disaccharides such as maltose and sucrose (white table sugar). Think of these sugars as different-shaped bricks in a wall.

When fructose is the primary monosaccharide brick in the wall, the glycemic index registers as healthier, since this simple sugar is slowly absorbed in the gut, then converted to glucose in the liver. This makes for "time-release foods," which offer a more gradual rise and fall in blood-glucose levels.

If glucose is the primary monosaccharide brick in the wall, the glycemic index will be higher and less healthy for the individual. As the brick wall is torn apart in digestion, the glucose is pumped across the intestinal wall directly into the bloodstream, rapidly raising blood-glucose levels.

In other words, there is a "window of efficacy" for glucose in the blood: levels too low make one feel lethargic and can create clinical hypoglycemia; levels too high start creating the rippling effect of diabetic health problems.

The 1997 American Diabetes Association blood-glucose standards consider 126 mg glucose/dL blood or greater to be diabetic; 111 to 125 mg/dL is impaired glucose tolerance and less than 110 mg/dL is considered normal.

Meanwhile, the Paleolithic diet of our ancestors, which consisted of lean meats, vegetables and small amounts of whole grains, nuts, seeds and fruits, is estimated to have generated blood glucose levels between 60 and 90 mg/dL.

Obviously, today's high-sugar diets are having unhealthy effects as far as blood-sugar is concerned. Excess blood glucose may initiate yeast overgrowth, blood vessel deterioration, heart disease and other health conditions.

Understanding and using the glycemic index is an important aspect of diet modification for cancer patients. However, there is also evidence that sugars may feed cancer more efficiently than starches (comprised of long chains of simple sugars), making the index slightly misleading. A study of rats fed diets with equal calories from sugars and starches, for example, found the animals on the high-sugar diet developed more cases of breast cancer.

The glycemic index is a useful tool in guiding the cancer patient toward a healthier diet, but it is not infallible. By using the glycemic index alone, one could be led to thinking a cup of white sugar is healthier than a baked potato.

This is because the glycemic index rating of a sugary food may be lower than that of a starchy food. To be safe, I recommend less fruit, more vegetables, and little to no refined sugars in the diet of cancer patients.

What the Literature Says

A mouse model of human breast cancer demonstrated that tumors are sensitive to blood-glucose levels. Sixty-eight mice were injected with an aggressive strain of breast cancer, then fed diets to induce either high blood-sugar (hyperglycemia), normoglycemia or low blood-sugar (hypoglycemia).

There was a dose-dependent response in which the lower the blood glucose, the greater the survival rate. After 70 days, 8 of 24 hyperglycemic mice survived compared to 16 of 24 normoglycemic and 19 of 20 hypoglycemic.

This suggests that regulating sugar intake is key to slowing breast tumor growth.

In a human study, 10 healthy people were assessed for fasting blood-glucose levels and the phagocytic index of neutrophils, which measures immune-cell ability to envelop and destroy invaders such as cancer. Eating 100 g carbohydrates from glucose, sucrose, honey and orange juice all significantly decreased the capacity of neutrophils to engulf bacteria. Starch did not have this effect.

A four-year study at the National Institute of Public Health and Environmental Protection in the Netherlands compared 111 biliary tract cancer patients with 480 controls. Cancer risk associated with the intake of sugars, independent of other energy sources, more than doubled for the cancer patients.

Furthermore, an epidemiological study in 21 modern countries that keep track of morbidity and mortality (Europe, North America, Japan and others) revealed that sugar intake is a strong risk factor that contributes to higher breast cancer rates, particularly in older women.

Limiting sugar consumption may not be the only line of defense. In fact, an interesting botanical extract from the avocado plant (Persea americana) is showing promise as a new cancer adjunct.

When a purified avocado extract called mannoheptulose was added to a number of tumor cell lines tested in vitro by researchers in the Department of Biochemistry at Oxford University in Britain, they found it inhibited tumor cell glucose uptake by 25 to 75 percent, and it inhibited the enzyme glucokinase responsible for glycolysis. It also inhibited the growth rate of the cultured tumor cell lines.

The same researchers gave lab animals a 1.7 mg/g body weight dose of mannoheptulose for five days; it reduced tumors by 65 to 79 percent. Based on these studies, there is good reason to believe that avocado extract could help cancer patients by limiting glucose to the tumor cells.

Since cancer cells derive most of their energy from anaerobic glycolysis, Joseph Gold, M.D., director of the Syracuse (N.Y.) Cancer Research Institute and former U.S. Air Force research physician, surmised that a chemical called hydrazine sulfate, used in rocket fuel, could inhibit the excessive gluconeogenesis (making sugar from amino acids) that occurs in cachectic cancer patients.

Gold's work demonstrated hydrazine sulfate's ability to slow and reverse cachexia in advanced cancer patients. A placebo-controlled trial followed 101 cancer patients taking either 6 mg hydrazine sulfate three times/day or placebo. After one month, 83 percent of hydrazine sulfate patients increased their weight, compared to 53 percent on placebo.

A similar study by the same principal researchers, partly funded by the National Cancer Institute in Bethesda, Md., followed 65 patients. Those who took hydrazine sulfate and were in good physical condition before the study began lived an average of 17 weeks longer.

The medical establishment may be missing the connection between sugar and its role in tumorigenesis. Consider the million-dollar positive emission tomography device, or PET scan, regarded as one of the ultimate cancer-detection tools. PET scans use radioactively labeled glucose to detect sugar-hungry tumor cells. PET scans are used to plot the progress of cancer patients and to assess whether present protocols are effective.

In Europe, the "sugar feeds cancer" concept is so well accepted that oncologists, or cancer doctors, use the Systemic Cancer Multistep Therapy (SCMT) protocol. Conceived by Manfred von Ardenne in Germany in 1965, SCMT entails injecting patients with glucose to increase blood-glucose concentrations.

This lowers pH values in cancer tissues via lactic acid formation. In turn, this intensifies the thermal sensitivity of the malignant tumors and also induces rapid growth of the cancer. Patients are then given whole-body hyperthermia (42 C core temperature) to further stress the cancer cells, followed by chemotherapy or radiation.

SCMT was tested on 103 patients with metastasized cancer or recurrent primary tumors in a clinical phase-I study at the Von Ardenne Institute of Applied Medical Research in Dresden, Germany. Five-year survival rates in SCMT-treated patients increased by 25 to 50 percent, and the complete rate of tumor regression increased by 30 to 50 percent.

The protocol induces rapid growth of the cancer, then treats the tumor with toxic therapies for a dramatic improvement in outcome.

The irrefutable role of glucose in the growth and metastasis of cancer cells can enhance many therapies. Some of these include diets designed with the glycemic index in mind to regulate increases in blood glucose, hence selectively starving the cancer cells; low-glucose TPN solutions; avocado extract to inhibit glucose uptake in cancer cells; hydrazine sulfate to inhibit gluconeogenesis in cancer cells; and SCMT.

A female patient in her 50s, with lung cancer, came to our clinic, having been given a death sentence by her Florida oncologist. She was cooperative and understood the connection between nutrition and cancer. She changed her diet considerably, leaving out 90 percent of the sugar she used to eat.

She found that wheat bread and oat cereal now had their own wild sweetness, even without added sugar.

With appropriately restrained medical therapy -- including high-dose radiation targeted to tumor sites and fractionated chemotherapy, a technique that distributes the normal one large weekly chemo dose into a 60-hour infusion lasting days -- a good attitude and an optimal nutrition program which included Sam's formula nine times/day, she beat her terminal lung cancer.

I saw her last month, five years later and still disease-free, probably looking better than the doctor who told her there was no hope.

At the Hospital where my Mother received treatment for her Cancer they had a bowl of chocolate candies. I warned my Mother of the Cancer Sugar connection but who was I to mess with her addiction. One day as we were leaving the office, and my Mother ahead of the game with the chocolate already in her mouth- I pointed to the bowl of candy and said to the receptionist "Doesn't Cancer feed on Sugar?" Her reply to me was "Oh it's alright."

You know what? Maybe it's NOT 'Alright'.

On another day when my Mother was in the back room with the Doctor, a heterosexual couple had just arrived. They were awaiting the PET scan test results if my memory serves. The Woman says "Honey, would you please get me one of those." she points to the bowl of sweets on the counter. I quietly watch them both eat the candy. What irony is it that the very test to seek out Cancer is based on the fact that Cancer seeks out sugar and these people, in the Hospital, are feeding the damn stuff!

2009-05-31T08:47:00.000-04:00

After They Were Famous

2009-05-29T19:45:00.005-04:00

I've just finished watching 'After They Were Famous: Willy Wonka' on Youtube.

I'm sorry there was no Gene Wilder. I really enjoyed seeing Dick Van Dyke reunite with 'the Children' from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang! What fun it would have been to see Gene with the 'kids' again! Still, this is feeding a sadness for yesterday that obviously has quite an appetite in me. I love the old footage! These 'kids' are in actuality basically a year younger than I am...

2009-05-29T17:31:00.001-04:00

The Xeta Prime Express!

2009-05-29T17:15:00.005-04:00

Come aboard Fireball XL5! Put on your Beenie and Cecil Cap! Look out the window for Gigantor or Supercar! OMG! It's Astro Boy! Where's my Silly Putty! Not that new crap! Don't forget Gumby, Pokey and The Monkees! And bring your Mother's favorite pumps!

New York City 1994: It's 5:00 in the morning. I'm sitting on the stoop of the apartment building where I live. I'm seated here with my dog Echo and a scrambled eggs and bacon on a roll sandwich. This is our after hours treat. My breakfast before going to sleep and Echo's I'm sure in retrospect it's bad for both of us something something. It tastes heavenly! Yes, I'm sharing it with Echo.

Hell 2009: It's 5:00 in the afternoon. I'm sitting in Hell where I live. I'm seated completely alone and with a scrambled eggs and bacon on a roll sandwich. This is my losing it I don't give a damn WTF! treat. My heart stopping, CVD laden bad for me something something meal. It tastes heavenly! It's all my own. I guess that's a good thing.

Ingredients: 1 roll, 2 large eggs, 3 slices of bacon, at least 2 Tbspns of butter.

Who Cares What I Think?

2009-05-28T21:51:00.001-04:00

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

2009-05-28T14:14:00.001-04:00

Chitty Temporary

2009-05-27T22:36:00.002-04:00

I'll probably delete this but check out Chitty and her original crew. She remains a beautiful ship/car.

Eye Yi Yi

2009-05-27T08:55:00.005-04:00

I'm not feeling so well today. It's not my energy level, it's my right eye and my mood. My right eye has been giving me trouble lately and right now as I type this. In my opinion it's been looking red quite a bit. I don't know if it's because I use $5.00 glasses most of the day- but my left eye isn't suffering... it may be connected to the computer screen or not. It's no fun. I have weak eye muscles- or wandering eye it's sometimes called and had surgery on one as a child. If I'm tired I might have issues with controlling my eye muscles and it might seem like I'm looking else where when I'm looking at you. Anyway- gripe #1.

Starweight 052709: 170.6lbs

So it seems one can eat Potato, Butter, Bacon and Yolk all day and yes, gain weight, but only .2 parts of a pound. I suppose I should be grateful. But my eye is hurting so I'm not- gripe #2.

Comcast says I owe them for two months of 2-25 cable! I don't remember receiving last months email payment notice! Frak them! So I just now paid for last months but not this coming month- since payments are in dvance. Maybe I'll cancel it :( - gripe #3.

I wish eye wasn't bothering me! Maybe I need time away from the PC. More time spent outdoors.

This isn't good going into a cheat day where Wine might flow and my mood is already on shaky ground.

Therapy can trigger confrontational desires...

Potato, Bacon, Butter and Yolk Charts

2009-05-26T15:30:00.004-04:00

I'm fascinated by these charts! You wouldn't normally think one could get a day's worth of Vitamin C by eating the meals I'm eating today but go figure. Not to mention, and correct me if I'm wrong, that the levels look pretty good. Add in some Sunflower Seeds for Vitamin E and get some sun for vitamin D and blah, blah, blah. Fun stuff.

I don't feel so well... JUST KIDDING!

Only 344% Cholesterol!

Oh relax! It's an Experiment!

Low Carb Low Cognition

2009-05-26T10:06:00.002-04:00

There is a Tufts University study suggesting that a low carb diet brings along with it low cognition skills. You can read about it HERE.

Low-carb dieters showed a gradual decrease on the memory-related tasks compared with the low-calorie dieters. Reaction time for those on the low-carb diet was slower and their visuospatial memory was not as good as those on the low-calorie diet. However, low-carb dieters actually responded better than low-calorie dieters during the attention vigilance task. Researchers note that past studies have shown that diets high in protein or fat can improve a person's attention in the short-term, which is consistent with the results in this study.

My question is this- is three weeks a long enough period for accurate testing. We all know the Human body adjusts to new situations. Burning carbohydrates for fuel and then burning fat in Ketosis. Would the results be different in another month of low carb? I'll bet you I don't know. But if I were to guess I'd say we would adapt. And then the questions pile up like a car wreck on the obesity highway.

Why Bother! Bastards!

2009-05-26T08:36:00.011-04:00

Isn't that why America and the rest are gaining weight fast? Why bother! Why bother fighting the advertising companies that lure us in with sweets of Chocolate and cured Bacon! Why bother trying to look like the Hollywood glamour set! Who are we kidding! We're just a bunch of sheep being led to the obesity slaughter house!

Well not me I tell ya! Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but maybe today depending on what happens with my Potato, Yolk, Butter and Bacon Experiment!... maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow but if not today and tomorrow, then the day after those... you'll see! I'll show ya! You aint gonna win you, you, advertising, adversarial Bastards! HA! Bastards! Mother Frakin', Jesus ARRGGHHH!!!

Bastards!

Saterweight 052609: 170.4lbs

Frak! Looks like I won't be anywhere close to 165.9lbs by tomorrow morning. So be it. Made it so #1.

Today's CVD Menu

8:00AM: 1 small Red Potato mashed with Water, 1 strip of Bacon, 1 Tbsp Butter, 1 Yolk of Egg Bite Me!

10:15AM: 1 small Red Potato mashed with Water, 1 strip of Bacon, 1 Tbsp Butter, 1 Yolk of Egg Bite Me!

12:30PM: 1 Glass of Wine, Swiss Cheese and Pepperoni.

2:45PM: 1 small Red Potato mashed with Water, 1 strip of Bacon, 1 Tbsp Butter, 1 Yolk of Egg Bite Me!

5:00PM: 1 small Red Potato mashed with Water, 1 strip of Bacon, 1 Tbsp Butter, 1 Yolk of Egg Bite Me!

At least we use up the Bacon :0

12:48PM: I'm Googling Raw vegan Diet and eating Swiss Cheese and Pepperoni! :0

3:11PM: One more fat laden meal thingy to go. Besides adding Pepperoni to my "Lunch" I've held fairly true to the Experiment. I will say this- Bacon, Butter, Yolk and Potato taste good! Or at least my screwed up senses tell me so.

And what about tomorrow? Lunch with Father? Green Apple Licorice? Wine? Pizza? Wouldn't it be nice if I didn't eat and drink all that? Nah! Wahhhh heh heh

Late Night Calorie Burn?

2009-05-25T21:47:00.004-04:00

I read somewhere yesterday about how walking for an amount of time is equal to the same calorie burn as home cleaning the floor for an amount of time. I didn't memorize the figures. All I know is at this late hour I'm thinking of washing the Bathroom floor just to help burn some more calories! I think I will and why not :0

A Welcome Gift

2009-05-25T12:41:00.001-04:00

Thanx for the link Shanz!

They Are ALIVE!

2009-05-25T10:29:00.006-04:00

My fingers have been crossed ever since that poison guy sprayed my Onion plants! Bastards! But so far neither of my two plants have died. The first one, not seen here isn't looking as well, but it aint dead yet.

Now, imagine, that Onion, if I had eaten it before it started sprouting would be part of me and part poop. When I learned they had been sprayed with weed killer I cried! This is a living plant that will die as we all do sooner or later.

This is so interesting to me because when we see a bird catching fish for food, are we apalled that they would kill that fish- for food? I didn't like the fact that my cat Goopy would hunt down Lizards, kill them and not eat them, but that was Goopy.

Yesterday morning I saved a lizard from certain death by not letting it cross a very busy intersection. I managed to catch it and carry it across the street to hopefully live another day. Then, last evening upon returning from a walk out I saw a dead Lizard (not the same one) that had not made it across the street. What is strange about this is I never or have not remembered ever seeing any dead lizards on the road. They are always on the sidewalk. It's always a Squirrel or Turtle or Bunny on the pavement- not a Lizard. So why yesterday? I wasn't even going to post about it. oops.

But I digress- I've been thinking about the Onion plants. I don't even know what to call them. I now care for these plants, yet I am still eating other Onions which reminds me I haven't had any in a while...

So when you worry about eating another living being remember that the Onion you just ate could have blossomed into a whole new something. What makes us who we are as Humans, our ability to think and create and mess with Life is... ehh...
San Dimas High School Football Rules!

Life Feeds on Life.

P.S. But it get's tricky. Like, the Onion is potential life in itself. An Apple, though carrying the seeds for life, will not sprout like the Onion did, unless it's seeds are planted. How many of us plant the seeds from the food we eat? An Animal, much like the Apple, if not consumed by us- may very well reproduce. How do we separate life forces such as Plants and Animals. We are all of this Earth.

Shortly before my neighbor Jack moved from my condo complex, I'd given him a Plant I'd rescued from the trash 2 years before. There was nothing wrong with it, only as you might know I haven't felt very stable in this home so I felt- as he does care for Plants (like a 'MAN') still, it would do well with him. Little did I know upon checking in one day that my Cactus variation type Plant- I don't know what it is, was not looking so well. In fact I jokingly threatened to take it back. He said he'd water it and that was that. A shorter time later it was looking even worser. Perhaps I'll post a picture of it later. It was looking sad and dark red where there should have been green. I took it back. Cut off the dieing extensions and soon afterwards, new extentions were sprouting not from where they should have directly- where I had operated, but just millimeters to the left or the right of my handiwork. So, it's back in my care. I have two Plants. I'm keeping them alive but I feel they deserve better. Maybe I'll find a place where they don't spray poison or wipe out life to make way for a Dominos or a Hair Salon :(

Wine makes me yappy.

Memorial Day Diet

2009-05-25T08:56:00.013-04:00

How is it that Memorial Day turned into Barbecue Day? Get those barbecues working! Or a Holiday Sale Day? Get out and buy stuff!

Starweight 052509: 170.2lbs

Today's Menu Maybe

8:50AM: Grapefruit and Cottage Cheese.

10:00AM: 1 Kiwi.

11:00AM: Cesar Salad (4-5 Romaine Leaves, 3 Anchovies, 1 Raw Egg Yolk, 1 Tbsp Olive Oil, Lemon Juice, Parmesan Cheese). 1 Glass of Red Wine.

12:30PM: Kimchi and Swiss Cheese

2:30PM: Banana, Spinach, Goat Milk Smoothie.

3:30PM: Miso Soup.

5:00PM: Salmon a la Mayonnaise, 2 slices of Tomato. 1 glass of Red Wine.

I don't know, it's going to be tough reaching 165.9lbs by Wednesday morning. That's what, 4.3lbs in two days? If I push myself I might make it... ARRGGHH!! ARRGGHH!!

Another day, another mouthful of protein, fat and carbohydrates :)

5:27PM: Well, I got hungry so I added in a 35 calorie bowl of Soup. And a Second glass of Wine at Dinner. Will I gain? Will I lose? I feel like I ate too much today.

Whaaaa! I was going to ride my bicycle to Albertsons to return a movie rental, but it's raining! I was counting on that ride for exercise. A glitch in the Matrix for sure. If it stops soon there may be hope. AND, if I can't return it today it'll cost me another buck! The nerve!

Confession: I bought a bag of Green Apple Licorice 2 days ago and never told anyone. I haven't touched those deliciously sour twizzles but they are mine! All mine! Wednesday! HAHAHAHAHA! cough gurgle slurp :)

8:00PM: Yay! It stopped raining long enough for me to hop on the bike, return the DVD and get a 20 minute total ride out of it. Happy sigh.

If It's Shaped Like A Banana Diet

2009-05-24T22:30:00.002-04:00

Alright, I've been Googling diets all night and may have come up with my own new approach to weight loss! OMG! If it's shaped like a Banana you can eat it! Like, well, a Banana, right and ehh, a cucumber, right and some kind of root thingy yes? And ehh... oh hell I just like the name it cracks me up.

Sleep well obesity epidemic and tribal world,
Xeta

Bienvenidos!

2009-05-24T10:23:00.012-04:00

Hola!

Starweight 052409: 172.3lbs

Isn't that a little funny. Yesterday I was 173.2lbs! And I had that Sausage! Cool! However, I want to be 165.9lbs or less by Wednesday morning so I'm gonna have to kick some butt to do it. Today, not now, but later, later than now- like in the afternoon so not now, to be clear, I'm gonna do a little home-aerobnics or something to the music of Dr.Who :) or Trance Dance or somethin'. I'm gonna work up a sweat and burn some calories BOYEEE!

Do I have a Cesar Salad for Lunch and use up my Romaine, or do I do a Potato thang, or do I do somethin' new? Just an Egg with Tomato? I remembered something I'd forgotten, that I remembered that was about one way I used to cook my Egg or Eggs. Which is as follows... I cook the Whites separately and once they are on the plate, plop the Raw Yolks down in the center and BINGO! you don't have to worry about cooking the Sunny Side into a cloudy Side, Egg! I'd forgotten that!

So I saw a great little home in North Carolina for like, maybe something I could afford. Not only by selling this home, but the lot rental is completely within my means, I think.

And I hear Thailand is a cheap place to live. I'm not joking. Maybe Costa Rica! Bartender!

Don't worry, no booze today. Maybe tomorrow :)

Today's menu Unfolding

Breakfast: 1 Red Potato mashed with Water, 1 small Summer Squash (boiled, drained, chopped), Cilanto (chopped), 1 Tbsp Butter, 1 Raw Egg Yolk, Salt and pepper. Summer Squash Tea.

10:00AM: Kimchi and Swiss Cheese.

11:35AM: Lamb, Tomato.

2:45PM: Frozen Banana, Strawberries, Yogurt Shake.

5:00PM: 2 Eggs (Whites cooked, Yolks Raw).

11:53AM: Looks like I don't have any set plan today but at least I'm not feeling out of control. Sure, I'd love a glass of Wine but that can wait. The Lamb tasted good. Lunch was satisfying- was that Lunch? More and more I'm liking the idea of 4-5 small meals throughout the day- animal, vegetable or fruit. Portion control. Except of course on cheat day :) Then forgettaboutit!

4:48PM: I just can't decide what to eat for Dinner! Chances are I'll play it safe and have two frickin' Eggs is all. Light, and good for weight loss. I'm tempted to make a Burger or do some more Taters but like I said, I think I'll play it safe. Or maybe not :) I've still got 10 minutes to decide... tick tock, tick tock... only Eggs? No veggies? Thin and tight!

5:17PM: I decided :)

6:00PM Eastern Standard Time: I had a glass of Wine.

Okay Kids!

2009-05-23T09:38:00.016-04:00

Starweight Post Pizza and 2.5 bottles of Wine: 173.2lbs

Today's Menu Maybe

Breakfast: Chili Beans and Rice.

11:00AM: Cesar Salad.

12:00PM: Kimchi and Swiss Cheese.

1:00PM: Banana, Spinach, Goat Milk Smoothie.

3:00PM: 1/2 Grapefruit.

5:00PM: 1 Sweet Italian Sausage Link with spicy Crushed Tomato Sauce, sprinkled lightly with Mozzarella Cheese.

1:24PM: The Smoothie was very filling! And very Tasty! As you can see I added a Snack at noon of Kimchi and Swiss Cheese.

We're doing something a little differently tonight for Dinner but simple it will be. Sweet Italian Sausage in Spaghetti Sauce, YUM! Can I sprinkle a little Cheese on it? Mozzarella Cheese? Can I? Can I? CAN I!!!! I probably won't, but I want to! (ooh l@@k! I did :))

7:51PM: We're in new territory having the Sausage link for Dinner but it was worh it. No regrets, yet. I walked to the market tonight, the rains having abated for now and I picked up a Summer Squash, an Ear of Corn and some Scallions. I may be doing a little Potato, Butter and Veggie thing tomorrow and maybe soon remaking that Cream Cheese, Bacon and Scallions CVD spread! OY! Who's with me!

With what I ate today, I have no idea what to expect at weigh-in. Can't wait to find out. Who's with me!

Sleep Deprivation!

2009-05-23T03:31:00.001-04:00

It's 3:34AM! Why did I nap! I can't sleep but am going off to try again.

Wish me luck!

Snooze :0

Buenos Dias!

2009-05-22T08:38:00.011-04:00

I'm feeling much better than expected! That's kinda strange because I had a lot more Wine than last week and last week I felt awful! Just sayin'.

Starweight 052209: 175.9lbs

If I'm going to reach 165lb by next Wednesday I better have a plan!

Today's Menu Plan!

Breakfast: 1 Red Potato (mashed with Water, 1 Tbsp Butter, Salt and Pepper), 2 Broccoli florets (boiled, drained, chopped), 1 Raw Yolk.

11:00AM: 1 Sunny Side Up Egg cooked in Olive Oil, 1 Slice of Tomato.

11:45PM: 1 cup Goat Milk.

12:30PM: Banana, Strawberry Yogurt Drink.

4:00PM: Kimchi, Swiss Cheese.

5:00PM: Salmon a la Mayonnaise, 1 slice of Tomato.

Fortunately I'll be traveling most of the afternoon to and from my therapy session so I won't have to worry about eating... the ehh, REMAINING FROZEN PIZZA IN THE FREEZER!

11:29PM: At around 6:00PM: I felt like I had to lie down and take a nap. I was thinking, just for an hour or so. That was 5 and a half hours ago! Earlier this afternoon I got caught in a rainstorm coming back from my therapy session- with no umbrella. I was soaked! And the bus was running air conditioning! I hope I don't get sick now :( So, I'm up and what does that mean? Should I try and go back to sleep soon or stay up for a few hours...

Dinner tasted great of course.

I'm wondering if Therapy might be physically damaging to the Human body. It always causes me to get all anxious and like, well, anxious! I'm sure my blood pressure goes up. I can't imagine how feeling anxious for an hour is in any way beneficial for my mitochondria... News at 11! Or should I say 11:40PM!

Just Friends

2009-05-21T22:56:00.008-04:00

I bought this DVD several weeks ago, months ago? meaning it arrived several weeks ago. But I haven't been up to watching any DVD with any sort of focus for a while now. I hope you understand how difficult it is for me to post in such a state. I am so wasted!

What a great movie! On so many levels! Family, friends, love interests it seems to nail the proverbial head on every one! Eighteen million laughs! I so needed this tonight. I will pay for my Wine intake, but I did laugh! I laughed out loud! Priceless! One of my top ten films of all time!

okay bye :)

P.S. Quotes from the stupor:

"I'm on the Perricone diet and I have to have Salmon like, now!"

"I'll just enjoy this glass of water, I'm stuffed!"

"You don't deserve a penis!"

This is the funniest movie and it is apparently highly underrated! Get with it people!

Was Anna Faris nominated for an Oscar for this performance? She should have been!

Wish me luck tomorrow, I'll need it.

The Xeta Prime Express!

2009-05-21T21:25:00.005-04:00

1977 Somewhere around New York City

Crystal and I are making out. We're kissing deeply. Her tongue with mine. We're breathing as one. She breathes out, I breathe in. I breathe out, she breathes in. I'm intoxicated by the breath of her...

The Avengers!

2009-05-21T19:40:00.011-04:00

There's an Avengers marathon going on right now on Justintv.com! OMG! Mrs. Peel, we're needed!

P.S. I so wish I didn't have to pay for the alcohol I'm drinking presently :0

P.P.S. We interrupt this Avengers episode because my mind is wandering... to my ears. I just wanna say I am getting used to my ears being stretched. There have been moments when I thought OMG! What am I doing! Done! Doing! And then I find myself touching my stretching ear lobes and loving them more than I have my entire life. That reads weird. I think I will take them to 1" and then let them be for a while.

P.P.P.S. I grew up watching black and white television- The Avengers, The Three Stooges, East Side Comedy and some of it was in color, later- Gilligan's Island, Star trek... Gigantor, Astro Boy, Fireball XL-5 and stuff... the Wine is totally kicking in...

P.P.P.P.S. It's okay. I might stick this episode out with Peter Cushing, or I may zone out soon. I'm feeling it now. Shortness of breath, a sweaty circumference about the circle of life and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope... WHAT!

Officially Off Track

2009-05-21T13:35:00.018-04:00

Oh jeeze! I just finished off the four other strips of Bacon I made this morning. That wouldn't be so bad except that I cut up a Tomato and added in some mayo also. And then poured a second glass of wine for the day. I fear I will make that Pita Pizza that didn't happen yesterday. Serves me right for not having a plan.

I have therapy tomorrow and I'm not sure this whole therapy/Doctor thing was a good idea. I'll go to therapy tomorrow and I'll be talking about how I didn't much care for the Doctor and other stuff too... I feel myself not caring right now which explains me reaching for more wine and such a heavy Snack :(

It's okay. We've been here before. I have to make sure, one way or another this doesn't continue for another day because of obvious reasons, like I could start a trend, an upward swing.

If I can get $19,000 for this home what will I do? Where will I go? I want to go back to New York. I didn't want to leave New York, but I had to then. The problem is as much as I miss New York, I love the Country. Not as much, but I do. I just don't know how I can survive in N.Y.C. Sadly, I don't know how I will survive in the Country or anywhere :(

Things are so bad here, I mean the pain is so deep here, in this beach of a Florida that I can't stay here.

Now, suddenly, my Father is buying a new home where Evil Stepmom will be living until the current house sells, which could be when in this market? He'll be staying in the current house and she'll be over in the new house beginning next month. Leaving me to cook for him since she will be AWOL. If she were permanently out of the picture I would gladly take care of my Father for the rest of his life. But they aren't divorcing. This could mean he will be fairly alone, unless I were to move in, for quite a while. I don't mind cooking for my Father. It's something I enjoy but to be honest, but thinking she is over in her new home not taking care of my Father makes me want to hurl.

My Father and I have issues sure, but I love him. It's almost too much to bear how things have gone wrong regarding said Stepmom. I wouldn't have left New York. And I know this is what you wanted.

I had some positive feedback regarding getting a bit of a mortgage even with my disability, but as things go I probably was just living in a dream world again. The enthusiasm I had heard from the woman handling the 'idea' was clearly lacking during our final conversation yesterday afternoon.

4:15PM: I've been drinking more Wine, eating Pizza and I just bit into the side of my mouth! I did that two days ago in a different spot- both times blood letting why! I hate that!

I was in Albertsons this afternoon, not meaning to buy Tombstones Pizza at all. I have Pita Bread! I have Mozzarella, Sauce, Onions and pepperoni! But no! The 'buy one get one free' Frak! gets me every time. I even worked the math out in my naked head! It was a good deal! My stomach aches. My mouth aches. This has set me back days! And I have Wine to spare.

5:55PM: The Wine is gone. Why does Wine help me poop? I'm sitting on the 'bowl' thinking boy I wish I had some more Wine. Why? Because there I was, pooping and I started to cry because of all that is going on with my Father and this home and I thought- bring it on! You know? BRING IT ON! I want him to hurt me! Go on, hurt me! Take this home away from me! I never wanted it! He never asked my opinon. It's not that I am ungrateful, it's that this continues to be a living nightmare. It's because even though she might be in a new home here in Something Beach how is it that she is now excused from helping my Father eat his meals! FRAK! It's not that I don't want to take care of him, it's what the Hell is she doing! OMG!

I would have to ride my bicycle to get more Wine, but I won't. It's too much at this late hour. But I want to. But I won't. but i want to :( maybe i will :(( but i probably won't :(... but i might... bastards!

6:22PM: If I get more Wine I can sing along with Chitty chitty Bang Bang and CRY too! Or watch 'Just Friends' with Ryan Reynolds and LAUGH which I haven't done since the dvds arrived... what if I make my way to the door, which I have already done but come back here to post- and maybe, damnit! I'm tired! Who wants to bring Xeta a bottle of Wine! Arrgghh!

7:11PM: Too late :) You know that scene where the good guy or gal have just battled the evil doer and you think it's all over until they open their eyes? You know what I'm talking about? Their eyes pop open and they are pitch black or blood red or both? Guess who just brought some more wine home? Go on, guess. GUESS!

Here We Go Again

2009-05-21T08:29:00.003-04:00

Another day after another day of Wine, etc. etc. debauchery. A good bike ride and a waste of money at the matinee.

Starweight 052109: 174.1lbs

I didn't get a full walk in this morning because of the rain. Yes, be careful what you wish for- it's still raining. It's great for the grass but so help me Buddha if that little man-made pond overflows and those fishies die on that lawn, there'll be Hell to pay! Who's getting a spanking now!

Atkins would be proud of my Breaky this morning. I'd taken bacon out of the freezer last night. taken bacon HA! So me made use of it. I only cooked it lightly even though me prefer it dark and crispy- why? I dunno.

Lunch might be a Cesar Salad as I do have Romaine and an open can of Anchovies...

I wish today was also a drinking day because I want to write about shit but not sober. Just home stuff. Stuff about me moving and where I'm going and why things don't look as good as they might have if things were going, better? Oh, and about the Evil StepWitch. You know I write that because I know you read this. If you didn't I probably wouldn't!

I'm going to update my passport. I have this idea now of leaving the Country. I mean, why not? The hardest part will be leaving some belongings behind. That, will be very difficult. I'm very attached to some of my things.

Angels And Demons

2009-05-20T19:34:00.006-04:00

OMG! Don't go see this movie!

I now rename this movie:

Long And Tedious!

What could have been a glorious Wine filled afternoon/evening turned out to be a waste of money. The most joy I had was riding my bicycle to and from the theater. That's a little sad you know. At pretty much exactly 4:45PM I had the notion to ride my bicycle a bit of a ways in a bit of a haze, to see Angels and Demons. What Angels! What Demons! Jeeze I was kinda hoping for some Angel and demon stuff happening! Perhaps this mistake was because I had not heard a word nor read a word about this movie- only that it won out over Star Trek! You know why it won out over Star Trek? Because if they had known what a horrible movie this was they wouldn't have gone!

Why was it horrible? I didn't care about anyone. That's not true. At about an hour and a half in I cared about some cops that were killed because I'd seen them doing a good job for about an hour and a half. I know this because I looked at my watch. Tom was fine, but so what? So what about any of it. I almost walked out many a time and believe me, I never walk out on movies. The first movie, DC I liked. This was simply a waste of time. No vested interest. No caring about anyone- except for the cops and okay, that one drowning Priest. Who were these Priests anyway? We didn't know them one nano nothing. Why should we care that they are being killed off!

Oh, sorry, spoilers behind :)

What I am glad about is I, before this movie, was excited about hoping on my bike, drunk or not, okay, drunk and getting a little wild and crazy! I rode my bike like the wind and got there in time to watch this horrible movie! I confess I left about about 5 minutes before the credits rolled as everything was being resolved for NOTHING!

Wait until the DVD!

P.S. Because I left at a quarter to five I didn't have my Pita Pizza at five. I did get a free popcorn which I covered in goo... so I'm home and it's almost eight now... I think I'll just let things be. A Pita Pizza isn't that big a deal. I might sneak it in or wait for next week. I'm not sure. I'd like to drink a little more, but I'm not sure I will. It's too bad I didn't enjoy the film. That would have made a great ending to a so so day... San Dimas High School Football Rules!

5/21/09 Morning After: I wasn't sure if perhaps the Wine I drank yesterday affected my judgement- it rarely does when it comes to movies, so I Rotten Tomatoed Angels and Demons and it's at 38%. I haven't read any of the reviews yet but it seems they're in agreement with me on this one, sad to say.

I Need A Hug

2009-05-20T16:10:00.000-04:00

Anyone? No one near by? I know the answer, just sayin' is all :(

1/3 Cheat Day?

2009-05-20T08:28:00.015-04:00

Wow! didn't see this coming!

Starweight 052009: 169.5lbs

Whatever cheat day this turns out to be I have a plan!

Today's menu Kinda Sorta

Breakfast: Chili Beans and Rice (1/3 cup rice (dry), 1/3 cup Beans, 1/3 cup Crushed Tomatoes).

Snack: 1 glass of Wine, Swiss Cheese.

Lunch with Father: Too Jay's Hot Pastrami on Rye, Cole Slaw, Pickles, French Fries. Diet Cream Soda. It was deliciously SAD!

Snack: Hot Dog with Bun, Mustard, Mayonnaise and Sauerkraut.

Snack: 1/2 Grapefruit.

Dinner: Theatrical Popcorn with goo.

I figure if I stagger the SAD food this afternoon it may not be as bad as it was last week after the ginormous bowl of Potatoes and fat. It's that darn portion control idea again. One Hot Dog instead of 3, 1 Pita sized Pizza instead of a LARGE! Stuff like that. I plan to behave at Lunch even though I'm teetering with a mood swing which is directly related to my Doctor's visit yesterday which I care not yet to discuss. I will most likely consume 3-4 glasses of Wine. I pray to the clouds above that I don't go for a second bottle. That would screw up this plan. I hope to hit the ground running tomorrow even if it mean I'm running away :) Oh and instead of buying sour candy I'll have Grapefruit!

The Wine may help me to open up. It always does. Sometimes it opens up flesh wounds heh heh. Sorry, not funny (wink).

10:05AM: But I like Green Apple Licorice! It's just not fair! I don't wanna have a brain seizure from taking Wellbutrin! I don't wanna! I wanna leave the country and go to England where they like to drink falling down in the streets! Yeah! And I dread seeing my Father in an hour because it will have to do with what my Evil stepmother is up to and how it involves me! God!

Cheat Day Addendum Rules: I'm allowed to be moody. I'm allowed to complain nonsensically. So there!

2:30PM: I failed eating well at Lunch :( I chose, yes, chose, chose, chose! to have a Hot Pastrami sandwich on Rye Bread with Cole Slaw, Thousand Island Dressing and Pickles. Oh, and about 5 big French Fries. My Father thankfully ate most of the Fries. I didn't even want FRIES! HE DID! But, it was my choice I know don't rub it in.

But now back to plan!

Hot Dog away!

Wine underway!

Next up- Grapefruit at 3:30? Then a Pita Pizza at 5:00PM and then a good nap! eeeahhh eeeahhh eeeahhh this concludes the test for emergency broadcast services!

Wednesday Predictions

2009-05-19T18:17:00.005-04:00

Or in other words a waste of a post. If the Universe is willing, I expect to be 170.1-2lbs by tomorrow morning? I just don't know. But I do think I will have an off day as I did last week and the week before. If I am 170.1 let's say and I was 171.5 last Wednesday that means I had only a 1.4lb drop for the week which I happen to think is bull doody.

See? What kind of post is this! Actually it's a wake up call. My plan is to lose 5lbs next week. Either by dieting, exercising, both or neither I tell ya!

Next Wednesday I'll be 165lbs San Dimus High School Football Rules!

Trivia: What line is 'San Dimas High School Football Rules' from without Googling?

Till Death Do Us Part

2009-05-19T12:05:00.003-04:00

Marriage under God in a Church is a joke. It's a joke because anyone who get's married, knows in the back of their mind that if things don't work out they can divorce. This isn't their fault completely. It's the system. Maybe this escape clause is out there because at some point spouses started killing each other. We're of course not talking about wealthy spouses killing each other for profit or gain.

Through Sickness and health? Some people honor these words. So far I can say my Sister and Brother both have honored their vows, unlike our Father and Mother. Thankfully my Mother's third husband is a wonderful man. Sadly my Father's third wife is a witch.

Why am I writing this? Peoples court is on and a case is giving me agita!

I say don't let people divorce. Maybe they'll take things a bit more seriously. I believe this loophole makes it easy for normal folk not to pay proper attention to the vows they make.

Till death do us part and no divorce. Or if they divorce they are not allowed to have sex for a year! Under penalty of sutures or something :)

Vegetable Tea

2009-05-19T11:46:00.003-04:00

Please Human beings, people of Earth, if you find yourselves boiling vegetables in water at any time, use the left-over water for tea. Many of the nutrients have gone into the water we generally and unconsciously pour down the drain.

This health plea has been brought to you by Xeta Prime, courtesy of Blogspot.com. Thank you :)

OMG! The Grapefruit!

2009-05-19T08:21:00.014-04:00

I forgot about the softening, already halved and waiting to be eaten Grapefruit this morning. I'm not sure i'll want to eat it tomorrow. I suppose I could make it a snack for later on...

Starweight 051909: 170.6lbs

Damn Rain! Not really, but I didn't get my morning walk in and I feel if it weren't for that I would have at least lost half a pound. But I didn't gain! Yay Team!

Why did I have this breakfast? I can't say but it was good. Better because of the Broccoli I think. And this time I mixed the Tbsp of Butter in with the Potato. I pop the Yolk, mix it up a little and dig in. Healthy? Unhealthy? A while back while learning about the infamous Potato I remember reading an article about how Eggs were better digested when consumed with Potato. This morning I found a reference to that article and you can read even more about the Potato here.

Eggs have been promoted for their "perfect pattern" of essential amino acids found in the protein. However, when volunteer subjects were fed different foods to determine the ability of humans to utilize various protein mixtures, investigators found that our bodies can more efficiently utilize the amino acids in a mixture of potatoes and eggs -- 36% better -- than those from eggs alone.9

Neat huh? Is this true?

I'm darn tempted to do another Potato Fatty day. I'm not sure how I want to proceed though. It worked the other day pretty well... decisions, decisions. What if I make some BACON! and mix that in for say a 10:00AM meal and like, then, maybe, have my Wine and Cheese around noon. Then, like, most definitely ride on a bus for most of the of the afternoon because I have a Doctors appointment to decide which meds I should take with my ALCOHOL! WHAT!

But I digress :)

ooh BACON! BACON! I LOVE BACON! But, now children, Bacon is dangerous in large quantities. I do believe this. The same goes for Vodka, 'kaaaay. At least you won't be tweezing your hair out eating BACON! You might be pushing daisies but you won't be TWEEZING YOU HAIR OUT! WHAT!

WHAT!

OH!

TODAY'S MENU UNFOLDING BACON!

Breakfast: 1 Red Potato, 1.5 Broccoli whadaya call'em, Water for mashin', 1 Tbsp Butter, 1 Egg Yok, Salt and Pepper. Broccoli Tea.

10:00AM: 1/2 Grapefruit.

11:00AM: 1 Red Potato, 1 large Broccoli whadaya call'em, Water for mashin', 1 Tbsp Butter, 1 Egg Yok, Salt and Pepper. Broccoli Tea. 1 glass of Wine.

12:20PM: 1 Vine Tomato, Garlic Powder, Salt and Pepper.

Dinner: Salmon a la Mayonnaise. 5 Frozen Grapes. 1 glass of Wine.

11:21: My timing is off today. I'm feeling okay though, I mean, not depressed or nothin'. I really like this Potato, chopped Broccoli, Butter and Yolk thang. It's yummy! Lose? Gain? Hell if I know. But here's the thang- It's only 11:24 as I type this. I don't leave here until ehh, 1:00PM. I wanted to have the Wine with the Potatoes because I didn't want to have Cheese later- but I wanted to eat the Potato stuff now :0 Maybe I'm worried having Potatoes, Butter and Yolk won't work the second time around... so, let's just say, I won't be eating another Potato gig until I get back from seeing the Doctor. Why another Potato why I oughtta? Why not! However, I'm thinking, if I get a little hungers around 12:30 I'll have a couple of frozen Grapes or, a few slices of Tomato? How does that sound? WHAT!

12:23PM: You know what? Early this morning I bought fresh Salmon. Maybe, just maybe I'll have Salmon again for Dinner- FRESH! or not :)

5:56PM: Salmon a la Mayonnaise! Heaven, I'm in Heaven, and I'm so depressed but dinner tasted grand! That, was good farm raised color added Salmon!

I'm depressed because of my visit to the Doctor and I don't wanna talk about it. Maybe tomorrow over some Wine.

It's Raining!

2009-05-18T15:40:00.002-04:00

We so needed the Rain! There's a small puddle of water with many a minnow in it who desperately needs this rain! Needed this rain? Needs this rain? Not to mention the grass and the other parched fury little beasties! Yabadabadoo!

You Think I'm Sexy

2009-05-18T08:36:00.011-04:00

You think I'm gorgeous :) Riigghhtt? A least I'm lighter. Phew! Eating Potatoes and Butter and Yolks no less!

Starweight 051809: 170.7lbs

Okay, alright, now what. I wanted Beans and Rice for Breaky but the Grapefruits are going soft A LOT! And I bought some Romaine and Anchovies so...

Today's Menu Unfoldin'

Breakfast: 1/2 Grapefruit, Cottage Cheese.

11:00AM: Cesar Salad. 1 glass of Wine. 5 Frozen Grapes.

2:00PM: Banana, Blueberry Yogurt Smoothie Drink.

3:00PM: 1 glass of Wine, Swiss Cheese.

4:00PM: 1 Kiwi.

5:00PM: Salmon a la Mayonnaise, Tomato.

However, as happy as I am with a 1.2lbs drop and let's make no mistake about it, I did take time yesterday to clean the bathroom on my hands and knees and I mighta expended some sweaty energry in those woods. But still, hey, 4 tablespoons of Butter, 4 Red potatoes and 4 raw Yolks? Cool!

Clueless

2009-05-17T08:21:00.010-04:00

I thought I knew what I was going to do today. Now I'm not so sure. At first I thought, let's do an Egg only day. That usually get's the weight moving seeing as I've stalled. Of course the 5 Bite Diet seems to work also. Oh who am I kidding, I could do any number of things today but in the back of my mind I know i have a lot of Red Potatoes that will soon start going bad on me. I think it's a miracle they haven't thus far, honestly. So then I started thinking I'll have Red Potatoes and Egg Yolks all day long. Part of me wanted to make them with Hollandaise Sauce! And I still might... only after having Breakfast which by way didn't feel anywhere near satiating- unlike a bowl of oatmeal, I find myself question myself.

Starweight 051709: 171.8lbs

I do love Hollandaise Sauce! What would happern if I had a small Red Potato every two hours topped with Hollandaise Sauce? No Broccoli, no Tomatoes, just Potatoes, Yolks, Butter and lemon Juice... duhnn duhnn duhnn! I'm out of lemon though and I've already walked to the store and once the sun gets too high in the sky Xeta the Android Vampire Wannabee, well you know! I like the shade :) And there's no bus service on Sunday :( Ah who needs lemon! We don't need no stinking Lemon! WHAAAAAAAAA!

Today's Menu Who Cares!

Breakfast: 1 Read Potato mashed with Water, Salt, Pepper and Dill. Topped with Egg Yolk and Parmesan Cheese.

10:00AM: 1 Red Potato, 1 Egg Yolk, 1 Tbsp Butter, Salt.

12:00PM: 1 glass of Wine, Swiss Cheese. Had to happen I wanted some Wine.

1:00PM: 1 Kiwi. Had to be eaten was going bad.

2:00PM: 1 Red Potato, 1 Egg Yolk, 1 Tbsp Butter, Salt and Pepper.

4:00PM: 1 Red Potato, 1 Egg Yolk, 1 Tbsp Butter, Salt and pepper.

Snack: 4 Frozen Grapes.

4:48PM: So this might be one of my most potato laden fattiest experiments ever! A little later I will have a couple frozen grapes and that will be that. Will I gain? Will I lose? We won't be doing this again tomorrow I tell ya! Though I do love Yolk and Butter! Aint no lie! Oh my heart! What!

911 Mysteries

2009-05-16T14:45:00.003-04:00

I've heard a few conspiracy theories about the events of 911. Is it possible decisions were made after the planes hit to bring the buildings down? If there is truth in this will it ever come to light? Scary stuff.

Saturday Weight Drop Blitz!

2009-05-16T08:27:00.014-04:00

If only I could do this blitz weight drop thing every day!

Starweight 051609: 171.9lbs

A 1.4lb drop? And I have to confess that that picture of Bacon, Romaine and Tomato was not all I ate of that Salad. There was still a little in the mixing bowl. I just wanted to make a better presentation and it wouldn't all fit in the white bowl. After taking the picture I dumped it all back in the mixing bowl and chowed down Baby! I've been enjoying my frozen Banana Yogurt Smoothies and the Salmon was delicious! So how could I be sad? I'm not! Yippee!

I decided to use up the other half of the Grapefruit so Breakfast was the same this morning. I have two Grapefruits left so I might continue with the Grapefruit/Cottage Cheese for another four days. Then I might have some Rice and Beans or Oatmeal for a spell. I like that my Breakfast menu is expanding with foods that aren't causing me to gain weight.

I think Lunch will be a Hamburger with Cheese sans bun. But what will Dinner be?

I want to add a quick ramble regarding my Dr.McDougall post yesterday. Mary twice mentioned that she followed the program 'religiously'. My question to her would be did she follow the Atkins religiously? Dr.McDougall goes on to say how she tried everything- this diet and that diet and they didn't work for her. You know, that sounds so convincing that if I didn't know any better, and I do now, that I might find myself believing his way was the only way. But it's snot. Sorry :) 'not'. Many many people are living successfully and perhaps religiously well on other non SAD diets. Atkins has been around a long time and is continuously misunderstood. Only the first two weeks are so restricted. Then you can begin to explore healthy carbs little by little, bringing them slowly back into the fold- not the fat fold hopefully... this isn't such a quick ramble is it.

I say bless anyone whose diet is working for them Amen!

11:45AM: I ended up staying home. So I made my own Burger. I feel like I've broken some weight loss rule! Lunch was just too good! I guess we'll see. It's been years since I've had a Pizza Burger. OMG! It was so GREAT! I'm sorry Mr./Mrs.Cow. I do so appreciate your life in mine. I wish I knew with my heart I shouldn't eat you. I do feel with my heart I shouldn't eat too much of you. Anyway, I appreciate you with all my heart. Will this feast upset the weight loss cart? We shall see.

2:56PM: I'm feeling a little hungry or edgy. Maybe I should make a single Egg for a quick fix. What do you think? Pizza? Just kidding! About the Pizza, not the Egg :)

5:20PM: I'm feeling quite full. And I have to confess that around four I had an almost but not quite full glass of wine with a little Swiss Cheese (shoulder shrug). Dinner, was terrific! I used Teriyaki Sauce as a change from Soy and didn't notice much difference. It was a very nice meal however. Yum! Will I gain? Will I lose? Did the Pizza Burger set me back? Or the Oil and Rice for dinner?

Today's Menu Unfolding

8:00AM?: 1/2 Grapefruit, 1/2 cup Cottage Cheese.

11:00AM: Pizza Burger, 2 Slices of Tomato. 1 glass of Wine.

2:00PM: Frozen Banana, Blueberry Yogurt Smoothie.

Snack: 1 Egg Sunny Up.

5:00PM: Broccoli, Garlic and Olive Oil with Jasmine Rice. Broccoli Tea.

Snack: 4 Frozen Grapes.

Dr. McDougall Problematic Issues Have I

2009-05-15T08:52:00.007-04:00

Mary Duffield - Cures Obesity, Hypertension and Osteoporosis from John McDougall on Vimeo.

I love success stories! They inspire me to no end! I love watching the 'Biggest Loser'! You see the joy on their faces at the end of the hard long weeks of training and it's plain old fashioned wonderful. Sure, some gain their weight back. Most gain their weight back? Humans are weak, sometimes. If we surround ourselves with the wrong Friends or even Family, the word peril comes to mind. Life's a bitch!

Why am I upset with Dr.McDougall? Maybe because I like him and I think he is well, tweaking the truth to suit his own needs. In fact he's doing exactly what he says others do. He tells people what they want to hear with his own personal spin.

I am not sure whether it is healthy to live without any animal protein but this isn't what I have trouble with. Maybe we can, maybe we shouldn't. And my issues are few and not new if you've happened to have read any of my previous posts.

1. Mary Duffield says- "I can eat as much as I want within the limits of the Program." She quickly adds the word "boundries". Now, Dr.McDougall has also said you can eat as much of the right foods as you want.

This irks the Hell out of me! Saying you can eat as much as you want, but then add- within the limits or boundaries is completely contradictory. You can or you can't eat as much as you want. And the truth we all know is- you can't eat all you want or as much as you want. It's certainly what I want to hear though. I can eat all I want? Great! Because I love big plates of food! That's America after all! I can't eat as much as I want of a plate of Potatoes Corn and Beans because in my case that would cause me to gain weight... with my current energy out levels the way they are.

2. Dr.McDougall continues to cite other cultures as examples of plant based diets and good health. Asia, Japan, the mid east and Peru. Rice, Potatoes and Corn. Where's the meat Dr.McDougall? These aren't meatless populations. They may eat less than we do and more of the plant stuff but they eat meat for sure. Oh, and FAT. A lot more FAT than you mention I'll wager. I give you credit for in one of your videos you do say one can be healthy eating a little meat...ooh am I talking directly to you :) Hi! I wish I could go on one of your Costa Rican Vacations but I'm completely and absolutely broke. Sorta. So this irks me also.

What was Mary's diet exactly? I doubt it was only the meat that was fattening her and her blood pressure up. Could it be the way the meat was cooked? Deep fried vs boiled in a broth soup say? Did she eat processed boxed and bagged foods? And, even after six years of McDougalling she hasn't reached her goal weight. But I don't want to rag on you Mary. I wish you health, wealth and personal self expression.

Anyone who stops eating man-made crap will significantly improve their health. This is proven over and over by the Raw Vegans, the Raw Paleos, the Fruitarians, the Pescatarians, the Seventh Day Adventists to name a few.

I do like you Dr.McDougall. Very much. And I hope you are right about being healthy with no animal food whatsoever- but please don't tell people they can eat all they want. That's a lie. And I know it serves you to mention Japan and Asia but they eat Chicken and Pork and fish and sometimes it's raw! And they use Peanut Oil and Olive Oil and Pork fat and stuff like that!

Finale: The key to weight loss and good health is don't eat man-made crap! And don't eat too much of the good stuff either! Like that bowl of mashed potatoes and Butter I had the other night. Now, that was SAD! ehh and the wine :0 What!

Sincerely,
Xeta Prime

It's About Time I Had A Plan

2009-05-15T07:47:00.009-04:00

Even if it's just for a day. Straying from diet control sets me back an entire week almost. I acknowledge my actions and try my best to live with the consequences.

Starweight 051509: 173.3lbs

Today's Menu Plan

7:54AM: Grapefruit and Cottage Cheese.

11:00AM: BLT Salad (4 Romaine leaves, 1 Vine Ripened Tomato, 4 strips of Bacon crumbled, 1 Egg Yolk, 1 Tbspn Olive Oil, Parmesan Cheese). 3 Frozen Grapes.

1:00PM: 1 Glass of Wine, Swiss Cheese.

2:00PM: Frozen Banana and Bluberry Yogurt Drink.

5:00PM: Salmon a la Mayonnaise, Broccoli. Broccoli Tea.

When I buy Bacon I separate the strips into 4 or 5 strip segments, roll them up and then freeze them in freezer jars. Last night I decided to thaw some out. If I hadn't done that I might not have chosen to have Eggs and Bacon for Dinner. I might have had Fish. Maybe I can go back in time and somehow stop myself from THAWING THE BACON! I'll need some Red Matter and a Black Hole! Ha!

So that's my Porky Plan. When do I get back to eating less Animal product? Though I believe in Ketosis for weight loss, I really do, I still believe we as a Human beings eat too much meat for the planet's sake and our own. But I do believe a balance of Meat and veggies is good for weight loss... it's those pesky damn emotional tidal waves one has to look out for! ARRRGGGHHH!

Plan Change: I didn't think the four slices of Bacon I cooked up would be enough for Lunch and Dinner... so we will not be having Eggs and Bacon for Dinner. Hello Salmon!

5:21PM: Salmon Gooood! Feeling very satisfied. In a little while I'll probably have 3 more frozen Grapes and that's that for today.

What to do about tomorrow? Oh, I just remembered I'll be helping Jack with some work in his nw home. He said he would make Burgers for lunch. I must make sure he doesn't fill them with breading, otherwise I am hungry for a good Burger sans bun.

2009-05-14T08:43:00.003-04:00

The Creeping Weight

2009-05-13T08:39:00.012-04:00

My weight crept up a .1 of a pound! The nerve I say! The nerve I said! I am a .1 pound heavier I said!

Starweight 051309: 171.5lbs

I forgot to take an award winning photograph of my Grapefruit and Cottage Cheese Breakfast, sorry. I had a grapefruit already halved from yesterday so I felt obligated to consume it. I'm not missing Oatmeal, but I am Rice and Beans. Maybe I'll change up to Atkins Induction... but I have a fridge full of Red Potatoes- they will be going bad soon. What to do! What to do! Hold on, let me go check them them out. Be right back... they look okay. Maybe I'll do a tater day tomorrow for the Hell of it. Maybe not.

I hope and pray I don't mess up today. I'll be eating out with my Father which could trigger a SAD dinner. Let's hope I stay true to portion control and real food- pleaheeheese! WHAAAAAHAHA!!!!! HO HO HO! HEE HEE HEE! Look at what I can do!

okay bye

1:01PM: I'm home having my glass of Wine. Lunch was mixed Vegetables with Bean Curd, Rice and an Egg Roll. I know the Egg Roll was really dangerous but I ate it anyway. My mood is shaky but not desperately so, so maybe I won't act out with food for the rest of the day. Pita Pizza? I have Papaya- Smoothie? What will dinner be? What will I do?

I did stop at the bank to tell them I wanted to talk about home mortgages so at least I can find out if there is the slightest chance in hockey pucks to buy a small home with the sale of this one (gasp for air). My feelings are however that this will reaffirm the hopelessness of my situation. But I'll play this out though just in case.

3:32Pm: Some time around 1+PM I made the best Pita Pizza ever! Was it because I used canned Spaghetti Sauce with spices added later? I don't care. Well done. Beyond my expectations!

Addendum: My mood shook good! Or, bad! I abused a bottle .5 of Wine and for some reason it really hit me hard. As if I'd had three or something. News at 11.

Cancer Cure

2009-05-12T17:46:00.007-04:00

Do you know someone with Cancer? Have you lost a loved one to Cancer? I urge you to keep an open mind and explore alternative therapies.

Please Youtube and Google search 'The Beautiful Truth'! It is a wonderfully quiet film about Cancer and natural healing. And, about our sorry mercury filled teeth! You can buy the movie here for $19.99.

I wish I could have gotten my Mother to explore the path of natural healing and though she had a keen interest in alternative therapies, she trusted her Doctors. I can't fault her really, having survived Cancer after Cancer but you never know and we never will, she might have lived another 10 years or more.

You can visit the home page of 'The Beautiful Truth' as well.

You know and I know that we know which foods are healing and which aren't. I know that you know that I fall prey to SAD often, but you also know that I try very hard to eat 'real' food.

Whichever 'God' put us here, he/she meant for us to eat of the food of the Earth. Not boxed, bagged dead foods with ingredients lists longer than 5 thingies.

Bless everyone,
Xeta

Hopeless in Florida

2009-05-12T12:48:00.004-04:00

I find myself feeling hopeless, again. I guess that is how I will proceed. For a few days I was hopeful that perhaps I could use the funds from the sale of this home towards a slightly more expensive home- so that I would not be renting. I would own the home. It was my neighbor who made the suggestion that if I am going to be paying $300-350 for a lot rental a month, I might as well buy a $30,000 home and pay a lot less in mortgage. The words "Who am I kidding" echo in my head.

The truth is I am packing, but I feel this is all leading nowhere. I feel destroyed. I feel these last wrist slicing, nose piercing and hair pulling years have been the most unproductive and emotionally draining years since first coming to grips with being Transgender.

If I'm going to rent anything, I might as well go 'home' to New York City. Perhaps I can find an 80 year old pimp who wants an ugly ass 52 year old bald whore. Fat chance.

I'm sorry, this started yesterday morning and has been steadily building. It hasn't derailed my diet yet duhnn duhnn duhnn...

Pour It On

2009-05-12T09:05:00.012-04:00

Well okay then- two glasses of Wine it is! I was hoping against past odds for maybe a half pound loss. But a 1.5 drop? Not at all. Could it be the Cottage Cheese and Grapefruit? I think that's barely what, 100-150 calories? Not my usual Oatmeal or Beans and Rice Breakfast... does it matter? The hell it does if that's what's helping. And, I like it. So upon that basis I say let's repeat yesterday's menu except for the Fish stuff.

Starweight 051209: 171.4lbs

Today's Menu

Breakfast: Cottage Cheese and Grapefruit.

11:00AM Appetizer: 1 glass of Wine, Swiss Cheese.

Lunch: Cesar Salad (4-5 Romaine Leaves, 3 Anchovies, 1 Egg Yolk, 1 Tbsp Olive Oil, Lemon Juice squeeze, Parmesan Cheese).

Snack: Banana, Strawberry, Yogurt Smoothie (1 Banana, 3-4 Strawberries, 1/2 cup organic plain Yogurt, 1/2 cup Water).

Snack: 1 Egg Sunny Side Up.

Snack: 4 Frozen Grapes

Dinner: Chicken Thigh, Tomato. 1 glass of Wine.

I am still walking almost a half hour in the morning- 15 to the market and back again. And I have been taking a 20 minute walk at around 7:30PM to visit the Turtle pond only he hasn't been there and I'm worried about him. It's funny how we latch on to reasons something may or may not be working- Cottage Cheese or evening walks.

But amidst my weight loss glee I'm teetering on the brink of an emotional something something. I will be all packed and ready to leave this Hell Hole with no place to go by the end of the month. Screw you Evil Stepmom!

3:49PM: I love frozen Grapes! I bite them fozen so I can't eat them too quickly. They are a little tart and I love that!

5:19PM: Okay, Chicken Dinner eaten. Will I gain? Will I lose like I did eating the Salmon? I ate less with the Salmon meal and I believe Salmon to be digested more easily. Again with the two glasses of Wine. This should be interesting... to me anyway :)

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

2009-05-11T11:58:00.006-04:00

While I was writing the post below I heard a noise from outside like there was someone at my front door. To my horror I see a man carrying a tank on his back with a spray gun in his hand- he's spraying weed killer where I planted both my Onions! I can't remember the last time they ever sprayed anything there! It's like they sparyed me! Can a Human cry over the potential and likely deaths of two blossoming Onions you better believe it! Oh my God! I poured fresh water over them but I'm not going to count on them survivng. The man said that he sprayed on one directly but tried to avoid the second one when ne noticed it was a 'scallion'- what he said.

I've been watching them GROW!

Thanx Mom!

2009-05-11T11:15:00.004-04:00

As we all know yesterday was Mother's Day. Some of you may not know my Mother passed on a little over a year ago. While we are young our parents, like it or not, pass themselves on to us in ways we can't yet imagine. One of the things I am most grateful for and could one day give me the runs for my money is Raw Oysters. I don't eat them very often because of funds mostly, but I attribute the raw food sensibility I have to her. I may have written this before. I can't remember. She passed Alcohol on to me too as well as an eating disorder I'm sure but we are talking happy things today, even though my mood is in fact a little bit shaky... ehh- raw food. And not always raw food but close like eating soft boiled Eggs. I had a great deal of fun eating soft boiled Eggs as a kid. Truly. That hot shelled Egg sitting in its soft boiled Egg holder thingy and my Mom would somehow miraculously slice off the top of the Egg perfectly, exposing the beautiful semi-cooked insides and that doesn't sound very Vegan. Who can tell I just had my glass of wine :) Or maybe it wasn't my Mom at all but the Hotel we stayed in...

For the last few days, for some strange reason, I have been thinking of trying Lamb Tartare. Something new for me. I love trying new things. Well, when it comes to food I do. Who wants to marry a bald pierced Tranny say 'I do' :) Food- Lamb- raw Lamb- Tartare. Hmmmm temptation! To my surprise, Lamb Tartare is nothing new, though I'd never heard of it. While at Publix the other day I noticed they were selling ground Lamb- hormone and antibiotic free, and I immediately thought 'Tartare'!

If I had never eaten raw Oysters as a child, the soft boiled Eggs or the countless hordeorves my Mother used to love to make I don't think I would ever have become so food adventurous- dangerous? I don't think I would have so easily started consuming raw Egg Yolks. Raw Egg Yolks have change my food life.

I have not tried Snails yet and honestly think without knowing a thing about them that ehh- Hell if I know. I know they are sold in cans at Publix... they do spook me a little but they are indeed on the list of things to eat before I am dead and hopefully eaten myself.

Anyway, Thanx Mom! for this bit of food disturbia. I love it! And if or when I do try Lamb tartare I will dedicate it to you.

All my Love,
Xeta

The photo is not my own. It comes deliciously from here.

Let Me tell Ya Somethin'!

2009-05-11T08:15:00.008-04:00

Good morning! Hey, look at that!

Starweight 051109: 172.9lbs

Cool! That a 1.2lb drop and with a Pita Pizza! I love Pizza! That's Pita Pizza baby! To the moon cough, gurgle, slurp! (takes a deep breath)

I have Romaine I want to use before it goes all gooey brown on me and I did buy some Anchovies yesterday so there will be no Pizza today. But am I happy I lost weight eating a Pita Pizza? You Betcha! And I mean I had the Smoothie and Sardines and the Lamb and the Egg- I know it doesn't look like much, really, but it felt like a lot and I was prepared to gain weight! PHEW!

Today's Menu

Breakfast: 1/2 Grapefruit with Cottage Cheese.

Appetizer 11:00AM: 1 gLass of Wine, Swiss Cheese.

Lunch: Cesar Salad.

Snack: Banana, Strawberry Yogurt Drink.

Snack: 1 Sunny Egg.

Dinner: Salmon a la Mayonnaise with Tomato. 1 glass of Wine.

I have a ton of Red Potatoes in the fridge! What to do? What to do!

5:25PM: We're playing with fire admittedly. I'm not used to having a glass of Wine with Lunch and a glass of Wine with Dinner. That's two glasses of Wine which might very well affect my weight loss. Live and learn.

Spanish Ketogenic Mediterranean diet

2009-05-10T22:03:00.002-04:00

This diet appeals to me. Not only does it suggest eating Fish four days a week but it includes nearly 2 cups of Wine a day! Okay, 1.7 cups to be fair. It also includes the use of olive Oil daily as well as green veggies and other meats. This is an approach I'd like explore when I'm not making Pita Pizzas and when I clear my fridge of some of my current food stuffs. Or just tweak it all a little more to my own liking :) You can read about it here.

Now I'm hungry! :0

The Pizza Dare

2009-05-10T14:53:00.007-04:00

Don't freak out! This is just something I wanted to do. It's essentially portion controlled and most importantly there was no Wine involved, yet. There won't be, today anyway :) And I want to see what happens if I have a Pita Pizza sans Wine. A bottle of Wine, or two. I'm very curious about this. So on that note...

Starweight 051009: 174.1lbs

Today's Menu

Breakfast: 1/2 Grapefruit, 1/4 cup Cottage Cheese.

Lunch: 1 Whole Wheat Pita Pizza (crushed Tomatoes seasoned, Mozzarella Cheese, Onions). 6 frozen Grapes.

Snack: Banana Spinach Smoothie (1 Frozen Banana, Bunch-o-Spinach, 2 large Tbspns Cottage Cheese, Water).

Snack: 2 Sardines with Cocktail Sauce.

Dinner: Lamb and Tomato.

Snack: 1 Egg Sunny Side.

What?

Star Trek 2009

2009-05-09T20:00:00.003-04:00

I could write a whole bunch-o-stuff about it but I won't. However if you want a clean brain before seeing it, don't read any further. I promise to be brief. Kudos to all the Actors whose name i'm sure you already know :)

First viewing: I went alone. I didn't want to be influenced by going with someone who might color my Star Trek world. I was in a weird space. I was overwhelmed. There was the Enterprise- a most Beautiful Ship! There was Kirk. I liked him. There was Spock. I liked him also, but I also knew they weren't Kirk and Spock. But they were. But they weren't. Then there was the real Spock. It was good seeing him again. And everyone else. Dr.McCoy was there and Sulu and Uhura and Scotty and Toto too! It was strange having some of the crew resemble their others while say Chekov or Uhura didn't. Not that that was bad. It was just strange. The story is okay. Not great Science Fiction by any means and there are problems but I let them go. I left the theater content but I don't think, happy. I think my pattern was still trapped in the transporter buffer array. P.S. I really liked Captain Christopher Pike.

Second Viewing: I had more fun. The characters looked more familiar and I noticed more of the gorgeous special effects. The ship was more beautiful. The lines more witty. Kirk more Kirk. Spock more Spock and down the line. I appreciated it more. The plot still had problems but I didn't care. It was good to see Kirk and Spock together, shooting their ray guns! I know phasers!
Nero, was better the second time around also but I never felt threatened by him. I never felt much danger and more suspense would have helped this movie. P.S. I really liked Captain Christopher Pike.

Notes: Why do the writers always have to repeat dialogue from the earlier movies! WHY! What are they afraid of? Do they think I NEED to hear 'I have been and always shall be your friend.' Please! Please! Write a new way to write that! UGH! There are a couple other carry overs that could easily have been scraped for original ideas. But it was so darn great seeing the characters again, even with new faces that the faults just don't seem to matter.

Real Food: I've Missed You!

2009-05-09T08:49:00.008-04:00

At least I haven't let my diet slips tilt the scale in the other direction for long. I'm grateful for that, honestly.

Starweight 050909: 173.5lbs

Today's Menu

Breakfast: Chili Beans and Tomato Puree over Jasmine Rice.

Snack: Yogurt Papaya drink.

Lunch: Cesar (Sardine) Salad.

Dinner: Chicken Thigh, Broccoli and Tomato.

Fingers crossed!

12:19AM: Somehow I bought Sardines instead Anchovies DOHHH!!! So we made a Sardine Salad :)

7:58PM: ARRGGGHHHH! So close yet so far! Dinner went so very well, but then I decided to take Star Trek for a second spin. What? I waited like, forever for it to open and I'll blurb about it in a minute. My problem is I got a coupon for a free popcorn! And I accepted it! And I topped it off with that stuff! With the shaky cheesy powder and salt stuff! So my guess is I'll probably gain weight :( But we'll see what happens.

Cottage Cheese Diet Day 2

2009-05-08T12:07:00.008-04:00

Somewhere along the fad dietary line I decided to continue the Cottage Cheese Blitz for one more day, even though I have food-a-wasting in the fridge. And I'm okay with that. And I aint suffering too much.

Today's Menu :)

Breakfast: None.

Lunch: A smidgen more than 1/2 cup of Cottage Cheese, Pineapple (not canned).

Snack: 1 Vine ripened Tomato with Garlic Powder, Pepper, Lemon Juice and Salt.

Dinner: Cottage Cheese, Pineapple and Strawberry.

Note to World: The Cottage Cheese I am using is 4% Milk Fat Min. Today I used 'Friendship' instead of Breakstone's. There are less ingredients in the 'Friendship' brand.

Breakstone's 4% Cottage Cheese (120 calories 1/2 cup)
Ingredients: CULTURED PASTEURIZED GRADE A SKIM MILK, MILK AND CREAM, WHEY, CONTAINS LESS THAN 2% OF MODIFIED FOOD STARCH, SALT, CALCIUM PHOSPHATE, GUAR GUM, NATURAL FLAVOR, VITAMIN D3.

Friendship 4% Cottage Cheese (110 calories 1/2 cup)
Ingredient Statement
Cultured Pasteurized Grade A Skim Milk, Milk, Cream, and Salt.

Cottage Cheese Diet Day

2009-05-07T12:13:00.005-04:00

Today's Menu

Breakfast: None.

Lunch: 1/2 Cup Cottage Cheese with Pineapple.

Snack: 1 Vine Ripened Tomato.

Dinner: 1/2 Cup Cottage Cheese with papaya.

Snack: Star Trek

The Bridgeman Nordica Blitz Diet!

Yesterday and Today

2009-05-07T08:39:00.004-04:00

William Shatner Ham

2009-05-06T19:58:00.003-04:00

Can I say, very briefly and in defense of Mr. Shatner that Mr. Shatner did not act alone back in the 60s. There was a director involved. And ultimately that director could have or not accepted Mr. Shatner's work.

Please, yes, Captain Kirk had cadence. What is wrong with that? He was unique! And dramatic! And I loved every freakin' episode he was in except maybe when the stupid heads decided to kill him off the way they did. If you ask me 'they' should be held accountable. In my opinion, Kirk's death was handled callously by the Paramount crew. And okay, maybe a few of the STOS episodes should be burned and destroyed, but still.

I can't wait for tomorrow to come. My sorry life lives for this movie. I'll be sure to report back to the millions of people listening in :)

Pantheism Speed,
Xeta